Wednesday, June 5th 2002

Dear Journal,

Every time I let myself take life too seriously I end up feeling like shit! You'd think I would have learned by now. Life's too damn short to take so seriously! It's about having a good time. I take it too seriously! Four school days left of junior year, and it's funny, I'm so excited to be a senior, have fun then head off to college, but I'm gonna miss all this petty high school shit. Im gonna miss it all! My bad moods have been getting worse- and i know summer can fix it- but I'm rushing my life, wishing it all away. Someday I'll say, "If I knew then what I know now." But I don't, do I?!

Laura Leigh

I still don't know much, but life was pretty fun those last couple years of high school. It's more fun now though, except for the part where everyone has a job, that part is lame.

Wednesday, May 29th 2002

I just had the most absolutely amazing night ever!

Leah, Jess, Leanne, Kristen and I all went into the city to see Dave Matthews Band perform at Madison Square Garden and I just had such an awesome time!

They were amazing, their music just blows me away. I remember at one point I was just dancing and singing along and I thought, "This is it, this is being young. This is what it's all about." I had such an awesome time, it was the most kick ass night.

Laura Leigh

I know I was a dork but at least by 2002 I was a happy dork!

Monday, May 27th 2002

Dear Journal,

Summer is right on the tip of my tongue and I can taste it! I am SO excited for school to be over- it's time for junior year to end.

Plus, Wednesday is the Dave Matthews concert that my friends and I have been looking forward to for months. I'm so psyched. It's time to get out of the rut I've been stuck in.

Laura Leigh

Ahh, DMB concerts in high school. Those were good times. Getting stoned, singing along and just generally feeling amazing.

Wednesday, May 8th 2002

Dear Journal,

The year is winding down, the weather is really becoming beautiful, and yet there is this sadness lurking, this whirl of uncertainty; I can feel change in the air. The great tide of change is approaching, swelling and churning with each day that goes by. I can't put my finger on it, can't describe it exactly, but I feel kind of like I'm sinking. For the first time, I'm scared of life, of life in general, and still, I contemplate, do I take it seriously, or say "screw it!" and just exist - come what may. I don't know, and that's what makes it so very daunting while still so very lovely. Everything feels so delicate right now, and for some reason, I anticipate a shatter. I want to be wrong.

Laura Leigh

Life is so damn serious when you're 17. Too bad the great tide of change didn't pull me under and keep me there for a few years.

Tuesday, May 11th 1999

Dear Journal,

It's pretty pathetic to read my entry from Sunday, and then realize how I am feeling right now. I am rotting. Today was the worst day I have had in a long time! It's just torment. My mom thinks I I should go to a private school next year. Part of me is SCREAMING to, and the other part of me- I don't know, I just don't know. I would feel terrible leaving my friends, but then I think of myself, I don't want to feel like this, I don't deserve to feel like this. What terrible thing did I do to deserve to suffer so immensely? Every time I think about it I cry. Now ... It hurts so much and I don't know why. Even if I left I'd have to face them in Melville. Hmm, I am fourteen I shouldn't have to decide this, I shouldn't be so afraid to be there. But every day is suffering. Every day hurts. My poor friends, poor Leah, how can she put up with me, with the way I fluctuate? God, I hope she isn't hurting like this. I don't know. I don't know how to fix myself. Oh God, please just help me, please please please please please please please please please please please please PLEASE.

Laura Leigh

I guess I was having a bad day. I'm pretty sure that I blocked out most of 8th grade.

Wednesday, October 7th 1999

Dear journal,

Life is good! Leah and I talked to Ms. Levy today about what's been going on in cheerleading. She is going to do something about it! Practice today was SO much fun!! (Cheryl wasn't there) We did a lot of stunting and we had a jump contest - I was even in the top 5!! Yay, things are better. School is good, the weather is great, I am just in a great mood! Happy Happy Happy!

Laura HAPPY

Can you say Bipolar Bipolar Bipolar?!

Wednesday, January 5th 2000

Today I had such a fabulous day, no real reason why either, but everything just fell together.

I finally played well in volleyball and my *crush* is on my team, so that is good! Everything just worked out well today. I am finished media arts, I have everything done that needs to be done. Out of my six prints, I have A, B+, A, A, A, A+! On Friday night I might go to the mall with my friend Chris. The thing is, he is Jen's ex-boyfriend, and I don't know where my place is being good friends with him. I guess I am free to do what I want though. It's not like I stole him from a friend, her and I are not friends, and they broke up. The big thing I am worried about is him seeing me, I mean, he saw me on Halloween, but I feel kinda self-conscious, what if he thinks I'm terribly ugly?! Oh well, I guess I'll be alright ... I can deal.

God I am glad I had such a great day today! I needed one of these, badly!!

Laura Leigh

First off, the idea that I could ever use gym to reel in a guy is simply laughable. Second, if I was that worried about hanging out with a guy who was really just a friend, then it probably makes perfect sense that I never had any boyfriends. I was scared of them all, even the ugly ones.