Thursday March 6th 2003

Dear Journal,
And so begins another book. A new journal. Every time I start a journal I think of the things to come, the things I will write about ... College, how frightening and exciting all in one! I'm full of complaints today, life isn't going very smoothly right now. And it's not that my life has strayed from the plan- there is no plan. After almost 18 years one of the few things I will say that I definitely know for a fact is that is that life, 99% of the time will not follow the plan if I choose to make one. So I haven't made one. Nevertheless, life is very little fun right now. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to, which is beyond ridiculous because my 18th birthday is on April 1st, but still, I'm almost sad- being 17 was a fucking good time, one of the best. It's that age right in between, you're really still a kid, but in my case a free kid free to have fun and enjoy all the perks of life. But 18 soon becomes me.
This is the first winter in my life that is destroying me. I honestly feel like I am suffocating. Outside it's gray and dirty, and when we think we've seen the last of the snow the sky musters up another storm. I thought that once I survived junior year things would be a breeze, but truly, I am tired. I feel like I'm floating through the days, nothing for me ... but if tomorrow isn't brighter, I sleep another night and cross my fingers.

LLS

I say this all the time- I wish I could have lightened up a little as a teenager.