There is a girl in New York City, Who calls herself the human trampoline,
And sometimes when I'm falling flying, Or tumbling in turmoil I say-
Whoa so this is what she means.

Paul Simon

Monday, January 31, 2011

Tuesday January 21st 2003

Another interesting thing that happened this weekend is that my friend Angela went to the march in Washington protesting the war. It sounds like it was amazing, so many different groups of people coming together for a cause. They all just want peace, and I have to agree that it's a wonderful thing.

... Obviously. Ahh, how we all wanna save the world and make a difference.

Tuesday January 21st 2003

Dear Journal,
I had a pretty good weekend. Work wasn't so bad and otherwise I really just hung out.
I'm feeling good right now, I mean not physically, but mentally, emotionally.
But lately I've been realizing how much I'm really going to miss my friends next year. I am going to be SO lost without them, it's like they make me complete! I know that is so dorky but it's true.
Leah laughs at everything I say and knows EVERYTHING about me, Leanne has this fun energy that rubs off on everyone. Annie is just crazy, I've never met anyone so interesting, Jess is that girl that really just wants to let loose and have fun, and when she gets the chance she's always up for anything, and Kristen and I have the same weird sense of humor. The only bad thing about having so many amazing friends is that at the end of the summer I have to say good-bye to them. So for now, we're having as much fun as possible! Oh man!


My loves.

Sunday January 12th 2003

Dear Journal,
I had a very good weekend! I didn't work at all which was quite nice, definitely not looking forward to going back to the Old Field Club ... I basically spent this weekend with my girls, Leah, Leanne, Jess, Annie and Kristen- living at Leanne's house. When we're there, doing nothing becomes fun! Hmm, I realize now, for the first time, what it means to not want a relationship. I used to wish for one ... but now I don't. Bad timing of course, because I think my friend is developing feelings for me- but I can't do it, I really can't. It's not just that I'm not attracted to him- I see things in him that no one else knows are there- and I know, maybe I'm letting something potentially wonderful pass me by, but right now I'm not that girl. What does he possibly see in me?


... why couldn't high school be more like Sixteen Candles and less like reality?!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

August 27th 2005

... Just because I know who I am now doesn't mean that I know anything else.


Still true.

August 25th 2005

I just read through some of my journals from the castle. Maybe a mistake, opening some old wounds.
The greatest time of my life was also the worst.
Oh God.


We were all the happiest we've ever been, and the saddest all at once.

August 24th 2005

I just read through some of my old journals. It's intense, how I can read them, then see myself doing those things, feeling that way - a memory I had forgotten completely ... and it's so easy to feel foolish at what seem like silly experiences, childish stories. Looking back it's always easy to spot. I took my life too seriously when I was younger, but I also got great joy out of innocent, youthful things, like going to an amusement park with my girlfriends, having sleepovers, birthday parties. My feelings seem silly, when I look back, but that's how I learn. I think old people have the secret to life.


Well, that just keeps becoming clearer.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Thursday August 18th 2005

Sometimes I wonder how I got into this warped universe. Sometimes I wonder if anyone else is in here with me.
I wonder what can possibly be real any more, what the good feels like. I see it all around me; no one wants to care about anyone else any more. Everyone seems to have adjusted, but I'm left with my head in the clouds because I see an alternative. I see what it should be. And my heart is always breaking because I refuse this bitter reality, this sorrowful truth. I will forever wander towards the place that must exist, it must, because that is all that keeps us alive, and my fear, not my only but my most integral, prominent and excruciating fear - is that I won't find it, because I have a poor sense of direction.
Right now, the truth would be an acceptable start. The real truth, the first truth; when did this begin?
My life will always be a little sadder, but I will always be that much wiser.


There I go again, getting lost in my words. I have a pretty good idea of what I meant. Being heartbroken is so glamorous.