At the Castle we had a cigarette rolling contest on the pool table in the Vorburcht lounge. I recalled, while watching it, a time in Ryan's car on Nesconset Highway when he had taken up rolling his own smokes. He was speaking to me, fumbling with the stereo, and driving while rolling a cigarette.
I don't know that a day will ever go by that I don't think about the 'Sam thing.' I wish there was a better name for it. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THAT DAY ... I truly wonder how far it is, but I don't worry, just wonder. I now know that nobody on earth, even my closest friends, will ever have the slightest idea what this was, what it meant, how it felt, how it hurt.
I don't have the power to make them understand. I don't.
It has been such a trip being home with Johnny- the people I've met, the places we've been, seeing what's his- a past that I will never really know, while we have our own world that they can never know.
I'm fascinated. Tired. Stoned.
LL
If one is to smoke, I feel they should roll their own cigs. Summer of 2005 was incredible, but I was so very sad.
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