Wednesday March 12th 2003

Dear Journal,
Yes I'm still crazy, it's entirely possible that I always will be. But, I'm also a bit sad tonight, for a few reasons I suppose. First, I'm fighting with my dad, which I HATE! We never fight, but then Katy comes home and it's like there's too much estrogen in the house or something and he just needs to fight with someone- it's usually me and it's often about the car - Ridiculous I know, but to me it's more. He just treats me like I should be more thankful than my siblings, like I should consider myself lucky to have the "luxury" to do or use things that were their "rights." I just feel like nothing's ever gonna be enough fr him, I really do! I'm a good kid, I really am!
I'm very independent, I have a job, I do well in school, I'm in the honor society, have extra-curricular activities, am President of a community service club, and volunteer at a shelter weekly, and I just found out that I am going to be published in a book. My work was chosen out of over 88,000- I'm kinda proud of this! But I feel like he thinks deep down I'm a bad seed. We've never really known each other very well because unlike my sister, I never really opened upt o my parents, especially not when I needed them most. I just did my own thing, and wrote in my journal. Maybe growing up I should have, and although I know I'm lying, I feel like it's too late now. I'm just stressed lately and that's not helping. I don't know. All I can say is I don't know, that's my only certainty.