Sunday, June 26th 2005

I came home and had an awesome weekend on LI. It's always nice going home. Johnny and I are on a train back to the city. We were both pretty hungover and lazy today.

Yesterday it was HOT out and there was not a cloud in the sky. I went to the beach with Johnny. We met up with Leanne and her boyfriend Matt, and Catherine and Elizabeth came as well. It was glorious. Even the water wasn't too cold. We stayed at the beach all afternoon. I got freckled.

Last night Annie had people over. It turned into a pretty drunken party!! We bbq'd some burgers. Reenie had helped me make rum punch at home and Leanne had picked up beer for us. Johnny and I did pretty well at beer pong, our team name was the Pink Vinyl Purses! A lot of people showed up and everyone was pretty drunk and we all had fun. I got mad at Jackee because she got so drunk that she couldn't even stand herself up. I rarely see her quite so ridiculous. I took away her car keys. At one point Jackee came out with three cups full of ice and something dark, saying it was Jack & Coke. I sipped it, and tasted iced tea. What a drunk!

Johnny and I got home around 3am and ate pie before bed. As I was getting into bed Pomeroy called me and told me to come out. I said no. I was so drunk. But for some reason I decided to go. I threw on jeans and a tee-shirt and he picked me up. He took me to Andy's house. The boys were all drunk, playing a game called chugga' the mugga,' which consisted of filling a mug with beer and chugging it as everyone chanted "chugga lugga, chugga the mugga." I played a round and soon the keg was kicked. I went inside and sat on the couch with all the stoners and watched them in their stoned delight as they listened to Sublime. I hit the bowl before I headed back to the deck and chilled with Pomeroy. I don't know why but I just like that kid, I think he's smarter than he lets on.

LL

This was an epic night.

Tuesday, May 27th 2003

Dear Journal,

He didn't say, "I feel it too," and though she denied it, deep down she wanted it so bad. And although she prepared for the worst, although I prepared her completely for what came, there is no such thing as prepared. So we sat in her car at 12:15am and spoke of the feelings, and she cried, and I listened.

There's part of being a teenager that is nothing more than an eternal pessimism. Every heartache or break is the pain of the world ending, the heavens crashing upon our shoulders. A part of the hurting teenager will stay with us forever and serve as our defense. We will fear vulnerability because we will remember. That part becomes our guard.

And we grow up.

LL

For the life of me I have no idea who "she" is. Maybe my sis? Regardless, I must say, I was much smarter as a teenager than I can ever hope to be again.

Wednesday, July 7th 2004

Dear Journal,

My friends and I have far too much fun with our lives- we really do - it's just ridiuclous! We're like little boys; were awfully immature, especially our senses of humor, and we're dirty. This summer has been such an absolute blast! I don't know how people grow old, I really don't, because I love this - I love everything about it. The freedom is unbelievable, why must we ever grow out of it?

Jess' parents were away this week so we've been having some fun at her house. On the 4th of July after everyone got good and wasted at work we all moved the party to her place. When we woke up the next morning we had family breakfast- me, Jess, Leah, Leanne, Jenny, Eric and his friend Gary. That day was "Jess' day of fun!" Me, Leah, Leanne and Jess went food shopping, then picked up wine, rum and pizza and promptly spend our afternoon getting wasted. We made pina coladas and sat in the backyard, it really was fabulous. A few friends stopped by later in the night, but it really was our day! That night while I was watching the Yankees game, drunk, I decided that we needed to go to Tuesday's ball game, so we ordered tickets.

Jess had to work yesterday so we brought Jenny Cash with us. I drove in and me, Leah, Leanne and Jenny tailgated for a while with some nice cold beers before the game. We had $14 seats, so we were all the way up top, and after the 4th inning we decided that those seats simply would not suffice so me and my drunk girlfriends ran downstairs to try our luck behind home plate. Sure enough there were four fabulous seats right there and we gladly made ourselves comfortable. The only bad thing about moving into the really great seats is that the people down there simply do not enjoy them. It's all uptight businessmen in their gingham shirts and snotty rich people who don't appreciate loud, drunk, obnoxious, die-hard Yankee fans like us! We really pissed off one couple that was sitting next to us. He told me that we were giving him a headache so I offered him some Advil and told the entire section to quiet down. They left soon after. Some people seriously need to lighten up. Their lives must be so BLAND! The security guys loved us, although they had to warn us for using the word "suck" in such a proper section. A few men, dressed in their business attire, of course came up to us saying "Go Red Sox," ad I screamed that he was out of the game. Then, to our delight, security really did make them leave! By the 9th inning, when it was painfully obvious that we had lost the game, I convinced Evan, a really hot security guard to let us down directly behind home plate where we enjoyed the final inning. I love baseball, and we had such a grand old time. The good seats, however, really should belong to true fans. At least put on a Yankees hat!

Today I went to the beach with Katy an Leanne and tonight all of us girls are taking it easy and watching a movie at Jess'. I am very sunburnt, it's pretty uncomfortable. Gosh, we lead pretty fabulous lives. We have more fun than anyone I know.

As my mom says, for us, every day is the fourth of July!

Laura Leigh

That summer the security guards at Yankee stadium let us get away with murder. Since then they've become much less forgiving. But who wouldn't love a group of drunk, rowdy little 19 year old girls!?

Beer. Pizza. Rum. No wonder I was so chubby that summer.

Wednesday, June 30th, 2004

Dear Journal,

I just had a fabulous two days! Aside from two days off of work, I had so much fun. Yesterday was the long awaited Red Sox vs. Yankees game! I went into the Bronx with Leah, Katy and her friend mid-afternoon. Leah and I had both made shirts 'cause we're cool like that. Mine said "I love Mel," on the front because I'm obsessed with the Yankees pitching coach, even if he could be my grandfathers! Leah's said "I love Bernie," because Bernie Williams really is the best! The backs of our shirts said "Where's Travis?" although we both know that our luscious short-term first baseman will likely not be returning. We tailgated in the parking lot before the game started at 7. We got wasted. Leah and I were belligerently drunk. We lost our voices from screaming through the entire game. We screamed at all the Red Sox, and their fans of course. We made a lot of friends in our row because the guys thought we were fucking hysterical. We had pretty good seats and we had an absolute blast!! Right before the end of the game we ran downstairs to the seats right behind the field. It was awesome. The Yanks won 11-3 and we had the most insane time!

When we got back into town we met some of the girls at Country Corner and I stayed drunk throughout. We smoked with some guys at the bar, including an old dude, and we were all piss drunk when we walked home around 3. Today we went to the beach. It was glorious. We had some great swim time in the waves and some good nap action in the sand. Tonight we chilled at Annie's. I've been having a fucking blast!

Laura Leigh

Nothing cures a hangover like the beach.

Wednesday, February 5th 2003

Dear Journal,

I spend a great deal of time sitting on my bed ... listening to music while doing homework, reading poetry or leafing through photographs. I spend a great deal of time with myself and I rather enjoy my company. Today at the shelter we were all in a cramped room playing with the kids. I was helping Jaritza do her homework while the little boys jumped on each other noisily and rambunctiously- adorably! One night at work Matt, the Chef said, "I wish I was four again man, just running around!" And he started spinning around the kitchen like an uninhibited child. When do we get inhibitions I wonder? These children are great fun, and they love life. There is so much potential there. I wish I knew how to reach in and coax that potential out. I want to.

LL

The Lov'em shelter, where we spent Wednesday afternoons running around with kids and helping them do their homework. Those kids were so special, and that shelter was so crowded, it always made me sad to realize how bad their chances really were. I was never unaware, however, that as little kids they had yet to realize they'd been dealt a crappy hand in life, and that all they wanted was a piggy-back-ride or someone to read them stories.

Wednesday, June 5th 2002

Dear Journal,

Every time I let myself take life too seriously I end up feeling like shit! You'd think I would have learned by now. Life's too damn short to take so seriously! It's about having a good time. I take it too seriously! Four school days left of junior year, and it's funny, I'm so excited to be a senior, have fun then head off to college, but I'm gonna miss all this petty high school shit. Im gonna miss it all! My bad moods have been getting worse- and i know summer can fix it- but I'm rushing my life, wishing it all away. Someday I'll say, "If I knew then what I know now." But I don't, do I?!

Laura Leigh

I still don't know much, but life was pretty fun those last couple years of high school. It's more fun now though, except for the part where everyone has a job, that part is lame.

Wednesday, May 29th 2002

I just had the most absolutely amazing night ever!

Leah, Jess, Leanne, Kristen and I all went into the city to see Dave Matthews Band perform at Madison Square Garden and I just had such an awesome time!

They were amazing, their music just blows me away. I remember at one point I was just dancing and singing along and I thought, "This is it, this is being young. This is what it's all about." I had such an awesome time, it was the most kick ass night.

Laura Leigh

I know I was a dork but at least by 2002 I was a happy dork!

Monday, May 27th 2002

Dear Journal,

Summer is right on the tip of my tongue and I can taste it! I am SO excited for school to be over- it's time for junior year to end.

Plus, Wednesday is the Dave Matthews concert that my friends and I have been looking forward to for months. I'm so psyched. It's time to get out of the rut I've been stuck in.

Laura Leigh

Ahh, DMB concerts in high school. Those were good times. Getting stoned, singing along and just generally feeling amazing.

Wednesday, May 8th 2002

Dear Journal,

The year is winding down, the weather is really becoming beautiful, and yet there is this sadness lurking, this whirl of uncertainty; I can feel change in the air. The great tide of change is approaching, swelling and churning with each day that goes by. I can't put my finger on it, can't describe it exactly, but I feel kind of like I'm sinking. For the first time, I'm scared of life, of life in general, and still, I contemplate, do I take it seriously, or say "screw it!" and just exist - come what may. I don't know, and that's what makes it so very daunting while still so very lovely. Everything feels so delicate right now, and for some reason, I anticipate a shatter. I want to be wrong.

Laura Leigh

Life is so damn serious when you're 17. Too bad the great tide of change didn't pull me under and keep me there for a few years.

Tuesday, May 11th 1999

Dear Journal,

It's pretty pathetic to read my entry from Sunday, and then realize how I am feeling right now. I am rotting. Today was the worst day I have had in a long time! It's just torment. My mom thinks I I should go to a private school next year. Part of me is SCREAMING to, and the other part of me- I don't know, I just don't know. I would feel terrible leaving my friends, but then I think of myself, I don't want to feel like this, I don't deserve to feel like this. What terrible thing did I do to deserve to suffer so immensely? Every time I think about it I cry. Now ... It hurts so much and I don't know why. Even if I left I'd have to face them in Melville. Hmm, I am fourteen I shouldn't have to decide this, I shouldn't be so afraid to be there. But every day is suffering. Every day hurts. My poor friends, poor Leah, how can she put up with me, with the way I fluctuate? God, I hope she isn't hurting like this. I don't know. I don't know how to fix myself. Oh God, please just help me, please please please please please please please please please please please please PLEASE.

Laura Leigh

I guess I was having a bad day. I'm pretty sure that I blocked out most of 8th grade.

Wednesday, October 7th 1999

Dear journal,

Life is good! Leah and I talked to Ms. Levy today about what's been going on in cheerleading. She is going to do something about it! Practice today was SO much fun!! (Cheryl wasn't there) We did a lot of stunting and we had a jump contest - I was even in the top 5!! Yay, things are better. School is good, the weather is great, I am just in a great mood! Happy Happy Happy!

Laura HAPPY

Can you say Bipolar Bipolar Bipolar?!

Wednesday, January 5th 2000

Today I had such a fabulous day, no real reason why either, but everything just fell together.

I finally played well in volleyball and my *crush* is on my team, so that is good! Everything just worked out well today. I am finished media arts, I have everything done that needs to be done. Out of my six prints, I have A, B+, A, A, A, A+! On Friday night I might go to the mall with my friend Chris. The thing is, he is Jen's ex-boyfriend, and I don't know where my place is being good friends with him. I guess I am free to do what I want though. It's not like I stole him from a friend, her and I are not friends, and they broke up. The big thing I am worried about is him seeing me, I mean, he saw me on Halloween, but I feel kinda self-conscious, what if he thinks I'm terribly ugly?! Oh well, I guess I'll be alright ... I can deal.

God I am glad I had such a great day today! I needed one of these, badly!!

Laura Leigh

First off, the idea that I could ever use gym to reel in a guy is simply laughable. Second, if I was that worried about hanging out with a guy who was really just a friend, then it probably makes perfect sense that I never had any boyfriends. I was scared of them all, even the ugly ones.