That shit I was just talking about on Saturday - one day I am gonna be over it! I'm gonna start today. Maybe I shouldn't be tired of the fact that I'm not gorgeous, or the fact that I'm not perfect, I should be tired of the fact that I'm just a scared little shit, tired of the fact that I never go after what I want, because I'm afraid of rejection, or afraid to fail. Fear is such a stupid reason not to succeed. I want something, I don't have to trample other people to get it, I just have to make myself a little more vulnerable- and it's time! I'm gonna do this MY WAY. Complicated or not, it's a small risk, one I should just take. If I start with one little one, eventually I'll be ready to take on the world. I've spent 16 years in comfortable surroundings, rejection or failure isn't fun, but they're lessons I'll learn eventually, why not now? I keep wasting precious seconds of my life being afraid, but if I just do it, then think about it later I may mess up sometimes, but I'll find out it's so much more fun!
Today the whole family went to my Uncle Danny and Aunt Kathy's house. Being with them is my comfort, my home. I can just laugh with them and play with them, and there's nothing to be afraid of. People who are always sad or mad or stressed scare me, don't they realize they're wasting their lives?
Laura Leigh
Taking into consideration that this was written by my extremely insecure 16-year-old self, I still think I was onto something. My friend Kel has this quote she lives by- we were actually just discussing it the other night- that I am starting to realize the impact of: "What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?" My insecurities then were more focused on being a teenage girl and feeling invisible and ugly, but those issues were manifesting themselves in every facet of my life. I think at this point I started to realize that I was missing the party, and that lots of ugly girls were having fun, so why shouldn't I just get the hell over myself? That may sound ridiculous, but I had to start somewhere. If I couldn't believe I was pretty, maybe I could forget that I wasn't.
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