Dear Journal,
Waiting ... I'm waiting. That's what my life is, when will I arrive home, where I belong ...
Tonight I took a walk, I walk with my puppy around the Mill Pond just about every night at sunset. It is the most fulfillment I get out of each day. Truly, it is. I don't know what I am looking for, but there is something I need to find. There is just something completely missing.
And there is this empty feeling that isn't really there. Waiting ... how much longer?
Laura Leigh
Ohh, Shane was my best friend and the only boy who ever paid any attention to me.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Monday April 12th 1999
Dear Journal,
The more I think about it, the more I am ready for my next vacation. I mean, I know everyone loves vacations, but I can't be here, I want to be SO far from here. If my parents told me we were moving, despite missing all my friends TREMENDOUSLY, I would love to. It's my belief that a person should be happy and comfortable with their home. I, for one thing, have always been a reasonably "unhappy" person, but now I realize where it comes from. I used to love my school, despite all its faults, and I dread it now, everything about it. This shows on my grades. I can't do my best in this place. I try to be ambitious, but all I can think about is being somewhere else. Anywhere else. I always think of happiness as something that comes later in life, but I am only now realizing, I should be happy now. I am not. I am attempting to get the best out of life, and it seems I can only do that on my ow, either when I am alone or when I am on vacation, far away from here.
Life shouldn't be this way.
Laura
Well, I always did love a good vacation.
The more I think about it, the more I am ready for my next vacation. I mean, I know everyone loves vacations, but I can't be here, I want to be SO far from here. If my parents told me we were moving, despite missing all my friends TREMENDOUSLY, I would love to. It's my belief that a person should be happy and comfortable with their home. I, for one thing, have always been a reasonably "unhappy" person, but now I realize where it comes from. I used to love my school, despite all its faults, and I dread it now, everything about it. This shows on my grades. I can't do my best in this place. I try to be ambitious, but all I can think about is being somewhere else. Anywhere else. I always think of happiness as something that comes later in life, but I am only now realizing, I should be happy now. I am not. I am attempting to get the best out of life, and it seems I can only do that on my ow, either when I am alone or when I am on vacation, far away from here.
Life shouldn't be this way.
Laura
Well, I always did love a good vacation.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Sunday July 26th, 1998
Dear Journal,
My friends Sarah and Sara had a midsummer party, so in the morning Leah came over, and at one-thirty my dad dropped me at Sarah's house. We hung out until everyone arrived, and then we walked down to the creek near her house. We went rafting. I went in the big raft with Katie, Sarah, Sara, Nicole, Jeremy, and I think that's it. We tied ourselves to the other rafts, and we started. When we finally got into the open water, we were filled with water, and very close to the channel- boat wakes rocked us a lot! When we finally arrived at her house again we hung out. After dinner we decided to have a tug-of-war. In the middle was a huge pile of shaving cream! (They used 15 cans) It was SO MUCH FUN!
When I was in the front, I was wearing my jean shorts and my halter bikini top, and they told me to take my shorts off incase I fell in - so stupid me, I started to unzip, until I saw my UNDERWEAR! Embarrassing!
So many people got covered in shaving cream, that all of a sudden we just got into a HUGE shaving cream fight - It was awesome! We all got covered in it! I even had it in my ear, it was Awesome!!
We then had water balloon fights and got cleaned up. A while after, we got a volleyball game going, but we used a beach ball. There were about four people on my team. That was fun! Jeremy and I made up all these stupid rules so we could win - and they believed us!
After dessert I played basketball, which was just as fun as volleyball - it was great!!
After the party I went to Leah's house and I slept there, today we went to the beach!
Guess what - Ben Affleck was in the Voyage of the Mimi!!
- Laura
Uhhh wow. What a little athlete I was! And I think the Ben Affleck reference is due to my Armageddon obsession from that summer ... pretty AWESOME!!
My friends Sarah and Sara had a midsummer party, so in the morning Leah came over, and at one-thirty my dad dropped me at Sarah's house. We hung out until everyone arrived, and then we walked down to the creek near her house. We went rafting. I went in the big raft with Katie, Sarah, Sara, Nicole, Jeremy, and I think that's it. We tied ourselves to the other rafts, and we started. When we finally got into the open water, we were filled with water, and very close to the channel- boat wakes rocked us a lot! When we finally arrived at her house again we hung out. After dinner we decided to have a tug-of-war. In the middle was a huge pile of shaving cream! (They used 15 cans) It was SO MUCH FUN!
When I was in the front, I was wearing my jean shorts and my halter bikini top, and they told me to take my shorts off incase I fell in - so stupid me, I started to unzip, until I saw my UNDERWEAR! Embarrassing!
So many people got covered in shaving cream, that all of a sudden we just got into a HUGE shaving cream fight - It was awesome! We all got covered in it! I even had it in my ear, it was Awesome!!
We then had water balloon fights and got cleaned up. A while after, we got a volleyball game going, but we used a beach ball. There were about four people on my team. That was fun! Jeremy and I made up all these stupid rules so we could win - and they believed us!
After dessert I played basketball, which was just as fun as volleyball - it was great!!
After the party I went to Leah's house and I slept there, today we went to the beach!
Guess what - Ben Affleck was in the Voyage of the Mimi!!
- Laura
Uhhh wow. What a little athlete I was! And I think the Ben Affleck reference is due to my Armageddon obsession from that summer ... pretty AWESOME!!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Sunday March 28th, 1999
Dear Journal,
I guess now is as good a time as ever to begin this journal. I just finished my previous one. This coming Thursday, April 1st is my 14th birthday. I'm hoping this next year can be more enjoyful for me, that perhaps I will grow and learn even more. It seems being thirteen was somewhat uneventful, or, not so much uneventful, but what did happen was not so much to my enjoyment. I think I brought that unhappiness on myself, and this year, no matter how afraid I am, I will make my life eventful in a meaningful way. I will face my demons.
Last night I celebrated my birthday party. I had Leah, Leanne, Sarah, Sara, Anya and Meghan. Ling (Amanda), Annie, Diana & Jenn could not come. It was a lot of fun anyway! We went to my favorite place, Emilio's pizzeria, and they slept over. We rented Urban Legends and There's Something About Mary. They were both good. We had a carvel ice cream cake, my fav.
On Thursday my mom is making my birthday dinner, The World's Greatest Tortellini, and chocolate fondue! Then on Sunday we are going on a cruise. I am extremely excited, partly because I need to get away from this town, and my terrible school. Actually, it's a great school, I hate the people.
(I'll have to go into detail eventually)
'Til then,
Laura Leigh
What a WT sleepover!
Nearly every single one of these journal entries from when I was between the ages of thirteen and seventeen makes me wonder why, why on earth did my parents not throw me into therapy?
Also. Enjoyful is not a word.
I guess now is as good a time as ever to begin this journal. I just finished my previous one. This coming Thursday, April 1st is my 14th birthday. I'm hoping this next year can be more enjoyful for me, that perhaps I will grow and learn even more. It seems being thirteen was somewhat uneventful, or, not so much uneventful, but what did happen was not so much to my enjoyment. I think I brought that unhappiness on myself, and this year, no matter how afraid I am, I will make my life eventful in a meaningful way. I will face my demons.
Last night I celebrated my birthday party. I had Leah, Leanne, Sarah, Sara, Anya and Meghan. Ling (Amanda), Annie, Diana & Jenn could not come. It was a lot of fun anyway! We went to my favorite place, Emilio's pizzeria, and they slept over. We rented Urban Legends and There's Something About Mary. They were both good. We had a carvel ice cream cake, my fav.
On Thursday my mom is making my birthday dinner, The World's Greatest Tortellini, and chocolate fondue! Then on Sunday we are going on a cruise. I am extremely excited, partly because I need to get away from this town, and my terrible school. Actually, it's a great school, I hate the people.
(I'll have to go into detail eventually)
'Til then,
Laura Leigh
What a WT sleepover!
Nearly every single one of these journal entries from when I was between the ages of thirteen and seventeen makes me wonder why, why on earth did my parents not throw me into therapy?
Also. Enjoyful is not a word.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Valentine's Day 2005
We're sitting in the Gare de Lyon train station, being dirty Americans and sitting on the floor. The workers at the help desks are, in actuality, the least helpful people I have ever met. All I know is that we WILL get to Barcelona tonight. They keep telling me no. "No, your Eurail pass wil not get you on this train," "No, you cannot get a ticket!" "No I cannot help you." Well fuck that, we're going to Barcelona!
2/14 4:15pm
We're on the train to Montpellier ... which hopefully means we're headed to Barcelona! This has been the most beautiful train ride I have ever been on, the clouds are dancing into these colorful formations just for us. We've passed trees weighed down with snow and hilltop villages sprinkled with small homes and steeples. We've passed snow-capped foothills and fields of trees all in neat rows, vineyards preparing for summer, tall thin evergreens and meandering dirt roads. The Birch trees wait still and patiently for spring, while the greenhouses bathe in the sun as it slips through the clouds. I feel dirty and ugly from travel but it bothers me less than ever before because I am still here, and that matters most.
Many of the young women have single red roses tucked into their bags. I watch them scurry through the train after long embraces beside the closing doors, and I don't know what that makes me feel.
8:03pm
We just crossed the border into Spain. A frightening man came onto the train and spoke words that we did not understand. We were nervous for a moment but soon noticed the medallion on his neck that meant he worked for the government. He checked passports and we were on our way.
2/14 4:15pm
We're on the train to Montpellier ... which hopefully means we're headed to Barcelona! This has been the most beautiful train ride I have ever been on, the clouds are dancing into these colorful formations just for us. We've passed trees weighed down with snow and hilltop villages sprinkled with small homes and steeples. We've passed snow-capped foothills and fields of trees all in neat rows, vineyards preparing for summer, tall thin evergreens and meandering dirt roads. The Birch trees wait still and patiently for spring, while the greenhouses bathe in the sun as it slips through the clouds. I feel dirty and ugly from travel but it bothers me less than ever before because I am still here, and that matters most.
Many of the young women have single red roses tucked into their bags. I watch them scurry through the train after long embraces beside the closing doors, and I don't know what that makes me feel.
8:03pm
We just crossed the border into Spain. A frightening man came onto the train and spoke words that we did not understand. We were nervous for a moment but soon noticed the medallion on his neck that meant he worked for the government. He checked passports and we were on our way.
February 15th 2005 - February 16th 2005
February 15th:
We're sitting on a beach in Barcelona, brown-bagging Spanish 40s in the sunlit warmth. It's Kate's birthday. This is amazing!
February 16th:
I'm taking pictures of it all. I try to capture it, to write it don, but what it comes down to is that I simply cannot. I'm sitting in Gaudi's famous park looking out over the Mediterranean Sea as the sun begins preparation to set. Today was a day of smiles.
You can't save every part of it, I can't explain it all. But I can know it when I am in it and I am soaking in it right at this moment.
How can I be a writer if I have been given the gift of indescribable moments? I am blown away again and again and again. I am surrounded by smiling faces speaking many different languages, but laughing exactly the same way. I may cry.
-LL-
A dove flew over my head.
I touched the bark of a palm tree.
I climbed the tower of a cathedral and looked out to sea.
--------------------------------------------
We are the girls with roses tucked into our backpacks. Sam gave us each one for Valentine's Day. I love him.
Yesterday Kate and I got half drunk in the middle of the afternoon. It was amazing. Sam came over last night and we drank 95 cent Spanish 40s outside of the hostel. Then we came over to the area of the city Las Ramblas and hit the bars. (The sound of American girl voices is so bizarre right now. The room nextdoor is full of giggling gossip)
First we went to an Australian bar and drank Guinness, then we found a crowded pub with a live band. We drank Amstel and danced to covers of the Beatles and CCR - we were having a blast! Kate wore the plastic tiara we had bought for her birthday.
(Taking a short break to smoke a joint on the terrace)
We are so stoned. We went out on the terrace. An American girl says "Agh I gotta pack!"
There are fingers exploring and tickling through the nerves of our minds and stimulating our senses.
"They're so arrogant, they don't even know." Some girl from Arkansas on being an unrecognized state. "Are you like a New Yorker, like you don't think any other state exists but your own?" (I scoped it out. She's just a bitch with an exaggerated accent and an inferiority complex.)
We have tall light green doors, like pea green with some white mixed. They lead to a small terrace where we light a joint and watch the people passing below, talking in Spanish and shouting to friends. Mere feet away clothes hang to dry on the balcony across the way. I imagine living there. Living here and being Spanish. I don't think I could ever comprehend it. I peer into their windows but I can't grasp their lives.
I'd be an old man with a dark brown combover and a greasy scalp. I'd have big bushy eyebrows and a sorted past that I'd always embellish in storytelling. I'd smoke cheap cigars and let the milk get sour, but I'd be generally happy because I'd never know what else to be, and see no reason not to be for that matter. I'd smoke cheap cigars that I bought from the Tobacco shop below my apartment. I'd hate the woman with the loud baby who lived nextdoor. I'd be grumpy towards her.
There is so much to tell about me, if I were that man, like that I'd wear only stiff white boxer underwear. But I'm not him. I am Laura from New York, which is pretty fucking cool too.
LLS
Lauren Porten's worst nightmare: Being a homeless man in a towel.
"I will cut you" - My favorite threat from Porto
"You're like a helium balloon ... but you're tied to a bag of sand. You're floating, but you gotta cut the string."
- Metaphor on the irony of being both the happiest and the saddest you have ever been in your life.
Castle adventures. Spain was an adventure and then some. Our stoned ramblings filled my journal for our entire trip abroad.
Bordetta 45.
We're sitting on a beach in Barcelona, brown-bagging Spanish 40s in the sunlit warmth. It's Kate's birthday. This is amazing!
February 16th:
I'm taking pictures of it all. I try to capture it, to write it don, but what it comes down to is that I simply cannot. I'm sitting in Gaudi's famous park looking out over the Mediterranean Sea as the sun begins preparation to set. Today was a day of smiles.
You can't save every part of it, I can't explain it all. But I can know it when I am in it and I am soaking in it right at this moment.
How can I be a writer if I have been given the gift of indescribable moments? I am blown away again and again and again. I am surrounded by smiling faces speaking many different languages, but laughing exactly the same way. I may cry.
-LL-
A dove flew over my head.
I touched the bark of a palm tree.
I climbed the tower of a cathedral and looked out to sea.
--------------------------------------------
We are the girls with roses tucked into our backpacks. Sam gave us each one for Valentine's Day. I love him.
Yesterday Kate and I got half drunk in the middle of the afternoon. It was amazing. Sam came over last night and we drank 95 cent Spanish 40s outside of the hostel. Then we came over to the area of the city Las Ramblas and hit the bars. (The sound of American girl voices is so bizarre right now. The room nextdoor is full of giggling gossip)
First we went to an Australian bar and drank Guinness, then we found a crowded pub with a live band. We drank Amstel and danced to covers of the Beatles and CCR - we were having a blast! Kate wore the plastic tiara we had bought for her birthday.
(Taking a short break to smoke a joint on the terrace)
We are so stoned. We went out on the terrace. An American girl says "Agh I gotta pack!"
There are fingers exploring and tickling through the nerves of our minds and stimulating our senses.
"They're so arrogant, they don't even know." Some girl from Arkansas on being an unrecognized state. "Are you like a New Yorker, like you don't think any other state exists but your own?" (I scoped it out. She's just a bitch with an exaggerated accent and an inferiority complex.)
We have tall light green doors, like pea green with some white mixed. They lead to a small terrace where we light a joint and watch the people passing below, talking in Spanish and shouting to friends. Mere feet away clothes hang to dry on the balcony across the way. I imagine living there. Living here and being Spanish. I don't think I could ever comprehend it. I peer into their windows but I can't grasp their lives.
I'd be an old man with a dark brown combover and a greasy scalp. I'd have big bushy eyebrows and a sorted past that I'd always embellish in storytelling. I'd smoke cheap cigars and let the milk get sour, but I'd be generally happy because I'd never know what else to be, and see no reason not to be for that matter. I'd smoke cheap cigars that I bought from the Tobacco shop below my apartment. I'd hate the woman with the loud baby who lived nextdoor. I'd be grumpy towards her.
There is so much to tell about me, if I were that man, like that I'd wear only stiff white boxer underwear. But I'm not him. I am Laura from New York, which is pretty fucking cool too.
LLS
Lauren Porten's worst nightmare: Being a homeless man in a towel.
"I will cut you" - My favorite threat from Porto
"You're like a helium balloon ... but you're tied to a bag of sand. You're floating, but you gotta cut the string."
- Metaphor on the irony of being both the happiest and the saddest you have ever been in your life.
Castle adventures. Spain was an adventure and then some. Our stoned ramblings filled my journal for our entire trip abroad.
Bordetta 45.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Sunday March 2nd, 2003
Dear Journal,
I never actually know what I am getting myself into. I spoke to "Jack" tonight, after nearly three weeks of not knowing what to say or do, what I felt or why. While I am occasionally an indecisive girl, this is the most torn up I've been over something, anything- that I can remember! Should I have spoken to him at all? This whole situation has had me dealing with feelings that I've never dealt with before and I have no idea whether to trust them or not. I have great friends who give great advice but I can't even begin to discuss this with them because I don't know where to start. What's going on? This just seems like the worst time ever to be this confused. Jesus, this is not what I want, and tomorrow I have to sit down with him and sort through feelings and discuss what is or is not going on and I officially don't know what I want him to say or what I want to say. How much do I want to say? Have I thought enough ... Or too much? Will either of us really be honest? For a girl who just likes fun and hates complication, I sure have let this get fucked up. I don't know what my deal is, or which voice in my mind to follow. Sometimes I hate being 17, it can be a massive pain in the ass. But sometimes it's great. Not tonight though.
Laura Leigh
He and I had a really weird emo friendship. We were both too pathetically insecure to deal with it. Maybe being 17 was a pain in the ass, but being 24 isn't much better. Relationships don't get easier, the stakes just get higher.
I never actually know what I am getting myself into. I spoke to "Jack" tonight, after nearly three weeks of not knowing what to say or do, what I felt or why. While I am occasionally an indecisive girl, this is the most torn up I've been over something, anything- that I can remember! Should I have spoken to him at all? This whole situation has had me dealing with feelings that I've never dealt with before and I have no idea whether to trust them or not. I have great friends who give great advice but I can't even begin to discuss this with them because I don't know where to start. What's going on? This just seems like the worst time ever to be this confused. Jesus, this is not what I want, and tomorrow I have to sit down with him and sort through feelings and discuss what is or is not going on and I officially don't know what I want him to say or what I want to say. How much do I want to say? Have I thought enough ... Or too much? Will either of us really be honest? For a girl who just likes fun and hates complication, I sure have let this get fucked up. I don't know what my deal is, or which voice in my mind to follow. Sometimes I hate being 17, it can be a massive pain in the ass. But sometimes it's great. Not tonight though.
Laura Leigh
He and I had a really weird emo friendship. We were both too pathetically insecure to deal with it. Maybe being 17 was a pain in the ass, but being 24 isn't much better. Relationships don't get easier, the stakes just get higher.
February 18th 2003
Dear Journal,
On Friday night Annie had a party, we all got really drunk and had an awesome time. Parties at Annie's during February break are something I'll always remember about high school! On Sunday night a blizzard hit, we were dumped with a few feet of snow, but the problem was we were supposed to leave yesterday at 10am for Stratton, Vermont. Around 3pm we decided to brave the blizzard, and with Aunt Sue, Uncle Tony and the kids following us e embarked on a snowy trip to Vermont. It was a complete white-out. The streets were covered in snow, so at some point in Connecticut we stopped for the night. The weather was crazy, very scary. We finished the drive this morning and had a great day of skiing. I'm so glad to be on vacation!
Laura Leigh
I think that was the week that everyone got snowed in at Annie's and Jackee got cozy with TJ, while Annie had some other conquests of her own ...
On Friday night Annie had a party, we all got really drunk and had an awesome time. Parties at Annie's during February break are something I'll always remember about high school! On Sunday night a blizzard hit, we were dumped with a few feet of snow, but the problem was we were supposed to leave yesterday at 10am for Stratton, Vermont. Around 3pm we decided to brave the blizzard, and with Aunt Sue, Uncle Tony and the kids following us e embarked on a snowy trip to Vermont. It was a complete white-out. The streets were covered in snow, so at some point in Connecticut we stopped for the night. The weather was crazy, very scary. We finished the drive this morning and had a great day of skiing. I'm so glad to be on vacation!
Laura Leigh
I think that was the week that everyone got snowed in at Annie's and Jackee got cozy with TJ, while Annie had some other conquests of her own ...
Wednesday August 7th, 2002
Dear Journal,
I haven't written in two weeks!
Well the rest of my trip to Canada was just as amazing as the first part! On Friday night Jill had this big party at her house and so many HOT Canadian boys came, including a lot of the kids I used to go to school with. It was so great to see them and we had such a good time! We all got super smashed and had fun. I almost hooked up with this kid, but Jill really likes him, it was SO hard to say no! I really wanted to, and he wasn't making it easy, wrapping my arms around his neck, but I overcame temptation and resisted. Go me! Then I almost hooked up with my childhood crush, Jordan, but some other girl likes him so I didn't. Ugh. I'm such a good girl!
Since I've been home I've pretty much just been hanging out. Yesterday was Jess' birthday and tomorrow is Leah's. So yesterday we went on Leah's dads boat and he took us to Kismet beach on Fire Island. We had such a good time, and afterward we went to Jess' house for a bbq. Today Leah, Kristen, Age and I are going to city to hang out with my bro and stay over. I'm super psyched!
Laura Leigh
Ahh my trip to Canada the summer after my 17th birthday. Almost hooking up with two different boys is so cool ... I cant even believe I share this lame shit on the internet. I should be embarrassed, and I am, but some of it is just too good to hide away. Am I still this much of a loser? You decide.
I haven't written in two weeks!
Well the rest of my trip to Canada was just as amazing as the first part! On Friday night Jill had this big party at her house and so many HOT Canadian boys came, including a lot of the kids I used to go to school with. It was so great to see them and we had such a good time! We all got super smashed and had fun. I almost hooked up with this kid, but Jill really likes him, it was SO hard to say no! I really wanted to, and he wasn't making it easy, wrapping my arms around his neck, but I overcame temptation and resisted. Go me! Then I almost hooked up with my childhood crush, Jordan, but some other girl likes him so I didn't. Ugh. I'm such a good girl!
Since I've been home I've pretty much just been hanging out. Yesterday was Jess' birthday and tomorrow is Leah's. So yesterday we went on Leah's dads boat and he took us to Kismet beach on Fire Island. We had such a good time, and afterward we went to Jess' house for a bbq. Today Leah, Kristen, Age and I are going to city to hang out with my bro and stay over. I'm super psyched!
Laura Leigh
Ahh my trip to Canada the summer after my 17th birthday. Almost hooking up with two different boys is so cool ... I cant even believe I share this lame shit on the internet. I should be embarrassed, and I am, but some of it is just too good to hide away. Am I still this much of a loser? You decide.
Sunday July 14th, 2002
Dear Journal,
This past week I went up to Boston. Katy had her orientation at Boston University so I pretty much had some quality time with the 'rents. We ate at some great restaurants and toured the college where I will likely spend 4 years of my life - Emerson!
Now, I'm not positive on it, I mean, I'm 17, I can't make decisions! But I'm pretty sure its the best place for me. It's exciting to think about it, yet daunting too! Luckily I have an entire year of home and comfort before I have to go make a life for myself. Thank God!
Laura Leigh
Not all of these can be that interesting OR embarrassing.
This past week I went up to Boston. Katy had her orientation at Boston University so I pretty much had some quality time with the 'rents. We ate at some great restaurants and toured the college where I will likely spend 4 years of my life - Emerson!
Now, I'm not positive on it, I mean, I'm 17, I can't make decisions! But I'm pretty sure its the best place for me. It's exciting to think about it, yet daunting too! Luckily I have an entire year of home and comfort before I have to go make a life for myself. Thank God!
Laura Leigh
Not all of these can be that interesting OR embarrassing.
Friday January 25th 2002
Dear Journal,
I'm so tired - of waiting, and hoping, and wishing, and most of all, I am tired of being tired. It feels like it's going to get much worse before it gets any better and that's daunting. I'm sick of hating myself, of feeling useless and of not knowing how to change it. I am the master of my own fate, I know this, but that is much easier said than done. I'm sixteen years old, possibility lies before me, but first I have to get through the next few months. And then what? Where do I go? What do I do? There are so many choices, and no matter what, I must make them on my own. Doesn't that just suck!
Laura Leigh
Some things never change
I'm so tired - of waiting, and hoping, and wishing, and most of all, I am tired of being tired. It feels like it's going to get much worse before it gets any better and that's daunting. I'm sick of hating myself, of feeling useless and of not knowing how to change it. I am the master of my own fate, I know this, but that is much easier said than done. I'm sixteen years old, possibility lies before me, but first I have to get through the next few months. And then what? Where do I go? What do I do? There are so many choices, and no matter what, I must make them on my own. Doesn't that just suck!
Laura Leigh
Some things never change
Thursday January 17th 2002
This week has dragged on for what feels like forever! Luckily next week is midterm week. Although midterms certainly won't be fun it'll be nice to have a week without classes.
So life lately, I don't even know what it's been - too much up and down maybe. I don't even know what I have felt lately, but I guess even feeling crappy is better than not feeling at all.
There's this boy at school that I don't know at all but for some reason I'm drawn to him (that sounds pathetic) and I really want to meet him. I am so self-conscious, I have this incredibly low self-esteem when it comes to my appearance- especially with the boys- gotta shake that!
Always, Laura Leigh
That was the beginning with "library boy." And, I suppose, the end.
So life lately, I don't even know what it's been - too much up and down maybe. I don't even know what I have felt lately, but I guess even feeling crappy is better than not feeling at all.
There's this boy at school that I don't know at all but for some reason I'm drawn to him (that sounds pathetic) and I really want to meet him. I am so self-conscious, I have this incredibly low self-esteem when it comes to my appearance- especially with the boys- gotta shake that!
Always, Laura Leigh
That was the beginning with "library boy." And, I suppose, the end.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Saturday August 4th 2001
Dear Journal,
I had the longest, craziest day! I have never been so dirty in my life, but it was really SO much fun! Last night for Sara B's sweet sixteen she had a big dinner at Eastern Pavilion, then afterwards we slept at her house, then today we went to Randall's island for the Warped Tour! It was 9 hours long, I'm very tired, but I really had fun- we saw so many great bands. My favs were the Vandals, The Ataris, Good Charlotte, and Me First and the Gimme Gimmes- but there were so many more!
I got bumped around in the mosh pit a bit, and insanely dirty, but we had so much fun!!
-LL-
Ahhh my Warped Tour days.
I had the longest, craziest day! I have never been so dirty in my life, but it was really SO much fun! Last night for Sara B's sweet sixteen she had a big dinner at Eastern Pavilion, then afterwards we slept at her house, then today we went to Randall's island for the Warped Tour! It was 9 hours long, I'm very tired, but I really had fun- we saw so many great bands. My favs were the Vandals, The Ataris, Good Charlotte, and Me First and the Gimme Gimmes- but there were so many more!
I got bumped around in the mosh pit a bit, and insanely dirty, but we had so much fun!!
-LL-
Ahhh my Warped Tour days.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Sunday October 27th, 2002
Dear Journal,
This is the most fucked up weekend I've had in a LONG TIME. The problem, we jinxed ourselves.
We were looking forward to last night so much that we screwed it up. Leanne's parents are in Arizona and my parents were in Boston last night. So everything was set. Leanne was at my house and I had just jumped out of the shower and threw on jeans and a tee-shirt, and flip-flops. Leanne said to me, "You can't wear flip-flops, it's freezing out!" And I was like, "Leanne, we're just picking up Leah, it's not like we'll be standing out in the cold!" JINX!
So we picked up Leah, and Leanne wanted to bring her car home because she only has a junior's license and she wasn't supposed to be driving. So I was in my car, there was a minivan behind me with two boys in it, and Leanne was behind them with Leah. So I slowed down because the driver in front of me had their signal on to turn, and the next thing I know I am thrown forward when my car is hit in the back. I jumped out of the car to see that Leanne's airbags are out and her car is smashed! Windshield broken, lights broken, fluid leaking- a mess! So the boys called the police and my back was hurt so we had to be taken to the hospital, on a stretcher, in an ambulance. It was a little annoying because I am generally fine but my back is killing me! We were released about an hour later, and we figured we could still have a party at Leanne's house. But her aunt was bugging out and her parents grounded her, so she wasn't allowed to do anything or go anywhere. She might not get her license until she is 21! I feel awful for her. But anyway, Leah and I were like, fuck it, let's get drunk, so I had a pretty big party at my house. It was pretty crazy but really fun! Needless to say, I'm grounded! And this weekend was so fucked up! I'm still pretty sore from the accident but I'll survive.
Laura Leigh
First of all, the hospital bracelet from that night is still taped into my journal. I also left out some great details. Leah's mom was also out of town, so since we were all underage they made every single one of us take our own ambulance to the emergency room. Naturally I was sassing the EMTs and asking them to just let me go and generally annoying the shit out of them. They were not amused by all of our parents being out of town. Mike Toscano had to come get us from the hospital. While they were loading us all into our ambulances, a few of our friends drove by and saw me being loaded onto a board so soon there were rumors that we had been in a pretty serious car accident.
Leanne got her license just fine and went on to become one of my prettiest friends.
And finally, that was the night that everyone from the OFC came to my house ... including "Dennis," whose real name shall remain a mystery for always.
This is the most fucked up weekend I've had in a LONG TIME. The problem, we jinxed ourselves.
We were looking forward to last night so much that we screwed it up. Leanne's parents are in Arizona and my parents were in Boston last night. So everything was set. Leanne was at my house and I had just jumped out of the shower and threw on jeans and a tee-shirt, and flip-flops. Leanne said to me, "You can't wear flip-flops, it's freezing out!" And I was like, "Leanne, we're just picking up Leah, it's not like we'll be standing out in the cold!" JINX!
So we picked up Leah, and Leanne wanted to bring her car home because she only has a junior's license and she wasn't supposed to be driving. So I was in my car, there was a minivan behind me with two boys in it, and Leanne was behind them with Leah. So I slowed down because the driver in front of me had their signal on to turn, and the next thing I know I am thrown forward when my car is hit in the back. I jumped out of the car to see that Leanne's airbags are out and her car is smashed! Windshield broken, lights broken, fluid leaking- a mess! So the boys called the police and my back was hurt so we had to be taken to the hospital, on a stretcher, in an ambulance. It was a little annoying because I am generally fine but my back is killing me! We were released about an hour later, and we figured we could still have a party at Leanne's house. But her aunt was bugging out and her parents grounded her, so she wasn't allowed to do anything or go anywhere. She might not get her license until she is 21! I feel awful for her. But anyway, Leah and I were like, fuck it, let's get drunk, so I had a pretty big party at my house. It was pretty crazy but really fun! Needless to say, I'm grounded! And this weekend was so fucked up! I'm still pretty sore from the accident but I'll survive.
Laura Leigh
First of all, the hospital bracelet from that night is still taped into my journal. I also left out some great details. Leah's mom was also out of town, so since we were all underage they made every single one of us take our own ambulance to the emergency room. Naturally I was sassing the EMTs and asking them to just let me go and generally annoying the shit out of them. They were not amused by all of our parents being out of town. Mike Toscano had to come get us from the hospital. While they were loading us all into our ambulances, a few of our friends drove by and saw me being loaded onto a board so soon there were rumors that we had been in a pretty serious car accident.
Leanne got her license just fine and went on to become one of my prettiest friends.
And finally, that was the night that everyone from the OFC came to my house ... including "Dennis," whose real name shall remain a mystery for always.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Tuesday January 1st 2002
Dear Journal,
Happy New Year!
I've though of another resolution- to stop my incessant whining! I'm just such a pain in the ass sometimes!
Today, while I had planned to do HW, I spent a few hours reading a novel that Jess lent to me. It is about a sixteen year old girl becoming a witch, or discovering the religious practices of Wiccan. I found myself absolutely enthralled in not only the book but the idea of the religion itself. I certainly don't plan to run out and become a witch, but it was almost haunting the way reading about it made me feel- but it was refreshing. I've decided that I want to find out more about Wiccan, even if for no other reason than to enlighten myself about other religions- I think it's fascinating.
Laura Leigh
It seems weird now, and I know it was just my harmless curiosity to research these Pagan practices, but I got pretty into it ... not casting spells into it, but here's an example. In speech class we had to teach everyone to do something. Some kids taught "rootbeer" pong, others taught guitar chords ... I taught my class how to align their Chakras. I was the weird girl, always.
Happy New Year!
I've though of another resolution- to stop my incessant whining! I'm just such a pain in the ass sometimes!
Today, while I had planned to do HW, I spent a few hours reading a novel that Jess lent to me. It is about a sixteen year old girl becoming a witch, or discovering the religious practices of Wiccan. I found myself absolutely enthralled in not only the book but the idea of the religion itself. I certainly don't plan to run out and become a witch, but it was almost haunting the way reading about it made me feel- but it was refreshing. I've decided that I want to find out more about Wiccan, even if for no other reason than to enlighten myself about other religions- I think it's fascinating.
Laura Leigh
It seems weird now, and I know it was just my harmless curiosity to research these Pagan practices, but I got pretty into it ... not casting spells into it, but here's an example. In speech class we had to teach everyone to do something. Some kids taught "rootbeer" pong, others taught guitar chords ... I taught my class how to align their Chakras. I was the weird girl, always.
Wednesday January 2nd, 2002
Dear Journal,
"If it harm none, do what you will." That is a Wiccan saying, something to live by.
Today Jess and I went to the library to take out some books on Wicca. Neither of us can help the fact that we are absolutely captivated and fascinated by Wicca. I'm not saying that I plan to become a witch, but I am very open-minded and I don't feel any guilt in feeding my hunger for research. It's unlike me to be so immediately passionate about something, and I want to give it the full chance it deserves. I promised myself a while back that I would either go back to church or research other religion- so this came at a good time!
As of right now I still consider myself a Catholic, but I want to be passionate about my religion, and I don't feel strongly for Catholicism. Perhaps nothing will come of it, but it's refreshing to inform myself about alternative religion. It feels right.
Laura Leigh
I am not having children. If they're half as bizarre as I was then I'm going to need an OxyContin habit.
"If it harm none, do what you will." That is a Wiccan saying, something to live by.
Today Jess and I went to the library to take out some books on Wicca. Neither of us can help the fact that we are absolutely captivated and fascinated by Wicca. I'm not saying that I plan to become a witch, but I am very open-minded and I don't feel any guilt in feeding my hunger for research. It's unlike me to be so immediately passionate about something, and I want to give it the full chance it deserves. I promised myself a while back that I would either go back to church or research other religion- so this came at a good time!
As of right now I still consider myself a Catholic, but I want to be passionate about my religion, and I don't feel strongly for Catholicism. Perhaps nothing will come of it, but it's refreshing to inform myself about alternative religion. It feels right.
Laura Leigh
I am not having children. If they're half as bizarre as I was then I'm going to need an OxyContin habit.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
