Dear Journal,
I never actually know what I am getting myself into. I spoke to "Jack" tonight, after nearly three weeks of not knowing what to say or do, what I felt or why. While I am occasionally an indecisive girl, this is the most torn up I've been over something, anything- that I can remember! Should I have spoken to him at all? This whole situation has had me dealing with feelings that I've never dealt with before and I have no idea whether to trust them or not. I have great friends who give great advice but I can't even begin to discuss this with them because I don't know where to start. What's going on? This just seems like the worst time ever to be this confused. Jesus, this is not what I want, and tomorrow I have to sit down with him and sort through feelings and discuss what is or is not going on and I officially don't know what I want him to say or what I want to say. How much do I want to say? Have I thought enough ... Or too much? Will either of us really be honest? For a girl who just likes fun and hates complication, I sure have let this get fucked up. I don't know what my deal is, or which voice in my mind to follow. Sometimes I hate being 17, it can be a massive pain in the ass. But sometimes it's great. Not tonight though.
Laura Leigh
He and I had a really weird emo friendship. We were both too pathetically insecure to deal with it. Maybe being 17 was a pain in the ass, but being 24 isn't much better. Relationships don't get easier, the stakes just get higher.
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