Dear Journal,
I'm such squealy girl! I introduced myself to the boy I like today, and I only then realized how girlie I am! It was a big step for me though, I've never done anything like that! Who knows, maybe I'll never speak to him again, but I'm still proud of myself. I'm the epitome of a teeny bopper right now, how embarrassing, but I gotta write this stuff down!
Laura Leigh
Wow. Yes, "Library Boy" I believe was his secret name, and I did talk to him one other time after that. I said hello to him when he showed up at Annie's house for my 17th Birthday Party. I was drunk and when he left, I cried. This also came during a time when we were all cruising around in the Jeep and we would blast Stand Out from A Goofy Movie (one of my all time favs) after school everyday. I think I listened to that song like four times on my ride to school that morning. When I did introduce myself to him it was (I shit you not) during his fencing practice. I've always been really into jocks, haha. I squeaked hello, he looked confused because he was clearly a super huge nerd, and then I left.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Saturday January 8th, 2000
Dear Journal,
I ended up having a great time at the mall. Chris is awesome, I'm so happy to be friends with him. At one point, I was buying Chinese food, and while I was on line I heard these two guys talking, I thought they were talking about me but I couldn't be totally sure. So I was paying for my food, and the guys walk up to me on their way out, and he says to me, "You are gorgeous." I was so surprised that my face went all red, and when I looked up at the Chinese guy he gave me a weak smile and shrugged, it was so strange!
We have a competition tomorrow, I am totally nervous.
I have become more myself lately, dressing my way, kinda gothic, and I seem to just totally be changing. Now I am hanging out with Chris and will probably be doing so a lot more often. I'm just a bit nervous about what I may be getting myself into- but ya know what, I'm finally having real fun being young!
Laura Leigh
Nothing's sexier than a 15-year-old girl, dressed in all black, ordering Chinese food at the mall.
I ended up having a great time at the mall. Chris is awesome, I'm so happy to be friends with him. At one point, I was buying Chinese food, and while I was on line I heard these two guys talking, I thought they were talking about me but I couldn't be totally sure. So I was paying for my food, and the guys walk up to me on their way out, and he says to me, "You are gorgeous." I was so surprised that my face went all red, and when I looked up at the Chinese guy he gave me a weak smile and shrugged, it was so strange!
We have a competition tomorrow, I am totally nervous.
I have become more myself lately, dressing my way, kinda gothic, and I seem to just totally be changing. Now I am hanging out with Chris and will probably be doing so a lot more often. I'm just a bit nervous about what I may be getting myself into- but ya know what, I'm finally having real fun being young!
Laura Leigh
Nothing's sexier than a 15-year-old girl, dressed in all black, ordering Chinese food at the mall.
Monday January 1st, 2001
Dear Journal,
Happy New Year! Usually I am big on the idea of new year's resolutions and everything, but this year just seems different. The changes I am going to make will come up as they need to. I don't have to worry. I did have a really nice new year though. A bunch of us went over to my friends Els' house. She lives on a cliff over the water, so at midnight when they set off fireworks in PJ we had a perfect view! It was a really nice new year, I'm glad I went!
Today I was going to focus on homework, naturally other things came up. The other night/morning we had a big snowfall, so I couldn't resist playing in the snow!! Today Leanne and I went over to Kristen's house in the afternoon and we played with her dad and brother and sister in their yard. We had a "snowbowl." It was so much fun! Leah came home from skiing this afternoon so she came over. My mom had made a huge turkey dinner. Later we decided to do some more time in the snow, so Jess came over and we went sledding and played in the snow. It was so much fun. I had a lot of fun this vacation.
Laura Leigh
So basically I played in the snow. It was fun.
Happy New Year! Usually I am big on the idea of new year's resolutions and everything, but this year just seems different. The changes I am going to make will come up as they need to. I don't have to worry. I did have a really nice new year though. A bunch of us went over to my friends Els' house. She lives on a cliff over the water, so at midnight when they set off fireworks in PJ we had a perfect view! It was a really nice new year, I'm glad I went!
Today I was going to focus on homework, naturally other things came up. The other night/morning we had a big snowfall, so I couldn't resist playing in the snow!! Today Leanne and I went over to Kristen's house in the afternoon and we played with her dad and brother and sister in their yard. We had a "snowbowl." It was so much fun! Leah came home from skiing this afternoon so she came over. My mom had made a huge turkey dinner. Later we decided to do some more time in the snow, so Jess came over and we went sledding and played in the snow. It was so much fun. I had a lot of fun this vacation.
Laura Leigh
So basically I played in the snow. It was fun.
Friday December 29th, 2000
Dear Journal,
Today I babysat for my cousins, a long day in itself! Tonight my sister and I did some shopping then caught a movie - Miss Congeniality. As we were driving along something occurred to me, I realized why I constantly worry about "the future."I mean, I know I don't want a monotonous life, but tonight I was sitting in the car and I was thinking. I don't want my life to consist of a full work week, then the mall or movies and an occasional party on weekends. It's fun for a while but I don't want that. We're given this incredibly short time on the earth to experience, to touch others, to learn and teach, and since I don't know the meaning of life, nor do I know of anyone who does, those listed are my goals. For one thing, I wish I had taken part in the exchange program. I need to get out there in the world and live. I don't want to just live a quiet little life in the same place for years. I know that can be a fulfilling life, but I've been given glimpses into so many of the treasures this world has to offer, and now I have to continue. In the long run, I want to be able to say that I used ever opportunity offered me. I ant to take the road less traveled by, but follow my heart, even if that means making sacrifices.
- Laura Leigh
Heavy. Too bad I forgot to think about how I would fund this big adventure all over the world!
Today I babysat for my cousins, a long day in itself! Tonight my sister and I did some shopping then caught a movie - Miss Congeniality. As we were driving along something occurred to me, I realized why I constantly worry about "the future."I mean, I know I don't want a monotonous life, but tonight I was sitting in the car and I was thinking. I don't want my life to consist of a full work week, then the mall or movies and an occasional party on weekends. It's fun for a while but I don't want that. We're given this incredibly short time on the earth to experience, to touch others, to learn and teach, and since I don't know the meaning of life, nor do I know of anyone who does, those listed are my goals. For one thing, I wish I had taken part in the exchange program. I need to get out there in the world and live. I don't want to just live a quiet little life in the same place for years. I know that can be a fulfilling life, but I've been given glimpses into so many of the treasures this world has to offer, and now I have to continue. In the long run, I want to be able to say that I used ever opportunity offered me. I ant to take the road less traveled by, but follow my heart, even if that means making sacrifices.
- Laura Leigh
Heavy. Too bad I forgot to think about how I would fund this big adventure all over the world!
Monday, December 25th, 2000
Dear Journal,
On this day, one I hold dear, I was surrounded by my family, my loved ones. It was a beautiful day. Half of my day was spent at my Aunt Mary Jane' house, and some at my Uncle James'. It was nice.
In my desk drawer there are books of my life, tonight I get to add another one to the drawer, and begin to write this one. These white pages hold tremendous possibility. In these pages I will record thoughts, dreams, milestones, successes, and failures, and every word that I write is going to aid in shaping the person that I am going to become. I don't think I am ever going to stop evolving, although deep down, I will remain the same. I do not believe that the person I am today is the exact same person I will be one year from now, and the person I am one year from now is not the exact same person I will be one year from then.
That is beautiful and sad; for everything I gain as a person, I will lose a small part of myself. One of my goals as a human being is to gain as much as possible and lose as little as possible.
Happy Birthday Jesus!
Laura Leigh
I was much more religious as a teenager, which kind of went hand in hand with how unbelievably serious I was. What 15 year old thinks about this shit? All of them? ANY of them?
On this day, one I hold dear, I was surrounded by my family, my loved ones. It was a beautiful day. Half of my day was spent at my Aunt Mary Jane' house, and some at my Uncle James'. It was nice.
In my desk drawer there are books of my life, tonight I get to add another one to the drawer, and begin to write this one. These white pages hold tremendous possibility. In these pages I will record thoughts, dreams, milestones, successes, and failures, and every word that I write is going to aid in shaping the person that I am going to become. I don't think I am ever going to stop evolving, although deep down, I will remain the same. I do not believe that the person I am today is the exact same person I will be one year from now, and the person I am one year from now is not the exact same person I will be one year from then.
That is beautiful and sad; for everything I gain as a person, I will lose a small part of myself. One of my goals as a human being is to gain as much as possible and lose as little as possible.
Happy Birthday Jesus!
Laura Leigh
I was much more religious as a teenager, which kind of went hand in hand with how unbelievably serious I was. What 15 year old thinks about this shit? All of them? ANY of them?
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Wednesday January 12th 2005
Where to begin. This is it. I'm on the ferry. We're still docked. Kel's family is picking me up in Bridgeport. Obstacle #1 - Getting off the ferry with a huge hiking backpack, a full hockey bag and a giant rolling suitcase! This should be interesting ...
I can't believe I am flying to Amsterdam tomorrow. Unbelievable.
I am just taking this break from life as I know it. And I want to. I have to. I kind of love just jumping off the edge and diving into something I don't know. I hope this embraces me. I hope I don't drown. I don't even know who I am anymore.
...
EUROPE - ENTRY 1
I'm not even positive on the date and time right now. I guess it's about 6:15am, Netherlands time, but it's still complete darkness outside around the plane. The cities below me are all lit up, it's fabulous. I can see stars out the window, and they're really beautiful. I'm sitting on a cramped plane- I haven't slept, I feel dirty, the guy next to me is a little weird, and I have the worst stomach ache- but looking out that window really makes me smile!
It's spectacular!
Day one begins. This is gonna be good.
LL
Ahh. Five years goes by so fast. Just reading that gives me chills. This one's for my adventurers.
I can't believe I am flying to Amsterdam tomorrow. Unbelievable.
I am just taking this break from life as I know it. And I want to. I have to. I kind of love just jumping off the edge and diving into something I don't know. I hope this embraces me. I hope I don't drown. I don't even know who I am anymore.
...
EUROPE - ENTRY 1
I'm not even positive on the date and time right now. I guess it's about 6:15am, Netherlands time, but it's still complete darkness outside around the plane. The cities below me are all lit up, it's fabulous. I can see stars out the window, and they're really beautiful. I'm sitting on a cramped plane- I haven't slept, I feel dirty, the guy next to me is a little weird, and I have the worst stomach ache- but looking out that window really makes me smile!
It's spectacular!
Day one begins. This is gonna be good.
LL
Ahh. Five years goes by so fast. Just reading that gives me chills. This one's for my adventurers.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Saturday October 24th, 1998
Dear Journal,
I am so bad with writing!
Well let's see - Last night was the school Halloween dance- it was so much fun!!
I was a dead bride. My mom borrowed her friends wedding gown, which was stained with blood. It was AWESOME! Then I got a veil and a tiara, I stained them with blood! My mom did my hair in, like, a curly bun type thing, in the tiara, and she put black eyeshadow around my eyes and blood coming out of my face, neck and mouth. I have to say, I looked EVIL! Also, I WON BEST COSTUME!
I got a gift certificate to the mall for $10! It was so much fun!
Leah and I slept at Diana's house last night. Today was our first football game to cheer for! I guess we did pretty good, but I pulled a muscle.
-Laura
1- I am sure I most certainly did not pull a muscle. I just sucked at cheerleading.
2- That costume kind of reminds me Mean Girls, when Lindsay Lohan shows up as an "ex wife" and every other girl is dressed like a total slut. Me in a nutshell.
3 - A $10 gift certificate to the mall? I am sure I went straight to essentials to buy sparkly nail polish and eye shadow.
I am so bad with writing!
Well let's see - Last night was the school Halloween dance- it was so much fun!!
I was a dead bride. My mom borrowed her friends wedding gown, which was stained with blood. It was AWESOME! Then I got a veil and a tiara, I stained them with blood! My mom did my hair in, like, a curly bun type thing, in the tiara, and she put black eyeshadow around my eyes and blood coming out of my face, neck and mouth. I have to say, I looked EVIL! Also, I WON BEST COSTUME!
I got a gift certificate to the mall for $10! It was so much fun!
Leah and I slept at Diana's house last night. Today was our first football game to cheer for! I guess we did pretty good, but I pulled a muscle.
-Laura
1- I am sure I most certainly did not pull a muscle. I just sucked at cheerleading.
2- That costume kind of reminds me Mean Girls, when Lindsay Lohan shows up as an "ex wife" and every other girl is dressed like a total slut. Me in a nutshell.
3 - A $10 gift certificate to the mall? I am sure I went straight to essentials to buy sparkly nail polish and eye shadow.
Monday November 30th 1998
Dear Journal,
Today was a good day- not exceptionally special, but good. No, very good.
I got some English grades back, 'A' on my gameboard and a 98 on my test!
Cheerleading practice was exceptionally hard! We have a game on Friday.
Life is really good now. It has just been great lately, and I'm so thankful that my life has been so positive. My only troubles lately have been with Nikki. She keeps threatening to beat me up - I'm not afraid!! (She is weak)
Also, each day I miss my old friends, but I have such great ones now!
-Laura
I could have kicked her ass.
Today was a good day- not exceptionally special, but good. No, very good.
I got some English grades back, 'A' on my gameboard and a 98 on my test!
Cheerleading practice was exceptionally hard! We have a game on Friday.
Life is really good now. It has just been great lately, and I'm so thankful that my life has been so positive. My only troubles lately have been with Nikki. She keeps threatening to beat me up - I'm not afraid!! (She is weak)
Also, each day I miss my old friends, but I have such great ones now!
-Laura
I could have kicked her ass.
Sunday January 10th 1999
Dear Journal,
THE GELINAS JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL CHEERLEADERS ARE THE FRESHMAN DIVISION CHAMPIONS!
We won 1st place at today's competition!!! It was SO exciting! Our routine kicked A**! YES!!!
Anyway, yesterday we had cheerleading practice from 7:00am-12:15pm - A LOT!
But it paid off! We had 4 walking extensions, half re-loads, a full liberty reload half, the MSG stunt, two split-down-tick-tcks, a twist up and an extension to an awesome, ending with a full, two halves, and arms. It was great!! We have another competition on Sunday. On the way home on the bus we all put our money together and stopped at Carvel to buy ice cream. OHH it's so great that we won!!
- Laura
We took our cheerleading competitions very, very seriously in those days. As for most of those "stunts," I don't even remember what they were. And yea, I really did spell ASS with two stars.
THE GELINAS JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL CHEERLEADERS ARE THE FRESHMAN DIVISION CHAMPIONS!
We won 1st place at today's competition!!! It was SO exciting! Our routine kicked A**! YES!!!
Anyway, yesterday we had cheerleading practice from 7:00am-12:15pm - A LOT!
But it paid off! We had 4 walking extensions, half re-loads, a full liberty reload half, the MSG stunt, two split-down-tick-tcks, a twist up and an extension to an awesome, ending with a full, two halves, and arms. It was great!! We have another competition on Sunday. On the way home on the bus we all put our money together and stopped at Carvel to buy ice cream. OHH it's so great that we won!!
- Laura
We took our cheerleading competitions very, very seriously in those days. As for most of those "stunts," I don't even remember what they were. And yea, I really did spell ASS with two stars.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Friday June 14th 2002
Dear Journal,
I should SO be the main character of one of those dorky teenage novels. I swear to God. Okay, two recent prime examples:
1) There is this boy from school that I think is so cute, and the other night I had just gotten out of the shower, put on old shorts and my baja, and walked my dog. He drove by and stopped his car near where I was and got out. Just as he looked over at me my dog decided to take a huge shit, and I knew that if he saw me my dog would be shitting.
Example two, even worse.
2) There is this guy I go to school with who has always been THAT GUY for me. See, I've always felt like the ugliest girl in the world, inferior to everyone. Well in 9th grade I was really in love with him. He was really popular and good-loking, everything I knew I could never have, and it was the most depressing feeling. Well tonight I got to work and found out that he was just hired, so I worked with him. I'm nervous around the whole damn world but especially him. The end of the night came and he asked me for a ride home. Long story short, I dropped him off then hit his fucking mailbox!
He didn't see it, but the fucking thing is all messed up. He's gonna know it was me. My life is fucking unfair man. Unfair.
-Laura Leigh-
So I've always been awkward. It makes me feel a little better to know that high school was probably the best he ever was. I'm just now hitting my mark ... kidding. On another note, my baja, which I still have, is this totally stoner-looking knitted hoodie that I wore nonstop in high school. For senior homecoming our tee shirts were supposed to have our nicknames on them, I never really had one so they made me write Baja on it.
And lastly, I'd let Shane take a shit anywhere on God's green earth if I could have him back. What an amazing pup he was.
I should SO be the main character of one of those dorky teenage novels. I swear to God. Okay, two recent prime examples:
1) There is this boy from school that I think is so cute, and the other night I had just gotten out of the shower, put on old shorts and my baja, and walked my dog. He drove by and stopped his car near where I was and got out. Just as he looked over at me my dog decided to take a huge shit, and I knew that if he saw me my dog would be shitting.
Example two, even worse.
2) There is this guy I go to school with who has always been THAT GUY for me. See, I've always felt like the ugliest girl in the world, inferior to everyone. Well in 9th grade I was really in love with him. He was really popular and good-loking, everything I knew I could never have, and it was the most depressing feeling. Well tonight I got to work and found out that he was just hired, so I worked with him. I'm nervous around the whole damn world but especially him. The end of the night came and he asked me for a ride home. Long story short, I dropped him off then hit his fucking mailbox!
He didn't see it, but the fucking thing is all messed up. He's gonna know it was me. My life is fucking unfair man. Unfair.
-Laura Leigh-
So I've always been awkward. It makes me feel a little better to know that high school was probably the best he ever was. I'm just now hitting my mark ... kidding. On another note, my baja, which I still have, is this totally stoner-looking knitted hoodie that I wore nonstop in high school. For senior homecoming our tee shirts were supposed to have our nicknames on them, I never really had one so they made me write Baja on it.
And lastly, I'd let Shane take a shit anywhere on God's green earth if I could have him back. What an amazing pup he was.
Monday April 30th 2001
Dear Journal,
Things could have been worse. I guess it's okay. Last week was a bit crazy! First, me and Katy had been planning this huge party for Saturday night, there were actually maps to my house circulating the school. Well, my mom found out and my grandpa came to stay with us. We went to another party that night and instead, and we all got pretty trashed. I worked on Sunday, then the week was pretty normal. But I just found out that Katy was cutting school last week, so now she's grounded for a month! But the thing we really got away with was our party Friday night! It was crazy. It wasn't huge, but so many different people just showed up at different times, it was nuts! And this beautiful boy that I'm in love with showed up! Needless to say I was too afraid to even talk to him! But it was an odd night.
-Laura Leigh-
Oh I remember this. Katy (I know you're reading this!!) You bad little kid you!! Our poor Grandpa spent his Saturday night literally chasing kids away from our house while we went out drinking. I cannot for the life of me remember who this beautiful boy is that I was in love with. I certainly had a few bizarre crushes on boys in high school- "library boy", the big heartbreaker, Craig, the thug in my chem class was definitely stupid. He came into class once and had obviously just had the shit kicked out of him ... man I thought his black eye and fat lip were so adorable. I can't put my finger on who this boy was that showed up to my house, however. I obviously WOW'd him with some good conversation.
Things could have been worse. I guess it's okay. Last week was a bit crazy! First, me and Katy had been planning this huge party for Saturday night, there were actually maps to my house circulating the school. Well, my mom found out and my grandpa came to stay with us. We went to another party that night and instead, and we all got pretty trashed. I worked on Sunday, then the week was pretty normal. But I just found out that Katy was cutting school last week, so now she's grounded for a month! But the thing we really got away with was our party Friday night! It was crazy. It wasn't huge, but so many different people just showed up at different times, it was nuts! And this beautiful boy that I'm in love with showed up! Needless to say I was too afraid to even talk to him! But it was an odd night.
-Laura Leigh-
Oh I remember this. Katy (I know you're reading this!!) You bad little kid you!! Our poor Grandpa spent his Saturday night literally chasing kids away from our house while we went out drinking. I cannot for the life of me remember who this beautiful boy is that I was in love with. I certainly had a few bizarre crushes on boys in high school- "library boy", the big heartbreaker, Craig, the thug in my chem class was definitely stupid. He came into class once and had obviously just had the shit kicked out of him ... man I thought his black eye and fat lip were so adorable. I can't put my finger on who this boy was that showed up to my house, however. I obviously WOW'd him with some good conversation.
Saturday September 1st 2001
Dear Journal,
I think maybe I need to go into a coma! Yesterday I worked from 1pm to 1am, and I had been babysitting all week. Then I got home last night all ready for sleep when Katy and Katie were all, "come into the bedroom and do shots with us!" I normally never drink hard liquor, so my 5 shots hit me hard. I was piss drunk! But it was a different kind of drunks, a happy drunk. I rather liked it, except for the throwing up. I'm laying in bed right now praying that I can avoid a hangover. I wish I could sleep. Later.
-Laura Leigh-
Ahh, the days of stealing from our parents' liquor cabinets and drinking secretly in our bedrooms! If memory serves me, I believe we were taking shots of Sambuca. Seriously.
I think maybe I need to go into a coma! Yesterday I worked from 1pm to 1am, and I had been babysitting all week. Then I got home last night all ready for sleep when Katy and Katie were all, "come into the bedroom and do shots with us!" I normally never drink hard liquor, so my 5 shots hit me hard. I was piss drunk! But it was a different kind of drunks, a happy drunk. I rather liked it, except for the throwing up. I'm laying in bed right now praying that I can avoid a hangover. I wish I could sleep. Later.
-Laura Leigh-
Ahh, the days of stealing from our parents' liquor cabinets and drinking secretly in our bedrooms! If memory serves me, I believe we were taking shots of Sambuca. Seriously.
Tuesday July 18th 2000
Dear Journal,
Tonight I was watching tv and flipping through the channels. I flipped to Howard Stern, and caught this one segment. There was this girl who wanted to know if they thought she could be Playboy material. She stripped down to her underwear, exposing a perfect figure, flat tummy and a big chest. She had the type of body any girl would dream of. It ended up pissing me off though, cause these nasty-looking, overweight, middle-aged men were telling her that she needed to slim down- spend more time at the gym. Basically they told a perfectly beautiful woman that she wasn't thin enough, wasn't good enough. Vanity can be such a bitch. This beautiful world is being poisoned, where instead of the majority being told we're good enough, they only approve of those few who can handle to starve themselves and get surgical enhancement. No woman should ever be told by anyone - especially a man- that she's not good enough. It is so disgusting and degrading and it pisses me off completely.
- Laura Leigh-
Birth of a feminist? Honestly, I had zero sense of humor. I've figured it out though; the reason I'm so easy-breezy now is because I spent my entire youth taking life so fucking seriously.
Tonight I was watching tv and flipping through the channels. I flipped to Howard Stern, and caught this one segment. There was this girl who wanted to know if they thought she could be Playboy material. She stripped down to her underwear, exposing a perfect figure, flat tummy and a big chest. She had the type of body any girl would dream of. It ended up pissing me off though, cause these nasty-looking, overweight, middle-aged men were telling her that she needed to slim down- spend more time at the gym. Basically they told a perfectly beautiful woman that she wasn't thin enough, wasn't good enough. Vanity can be such a bitch. This beautiful world is being poisoned, where instead of the majority being told we're good enough, they only approve of those few who can handle to starve themselves and get surgical enhancement. No woman should ever be told by anyone - especially a man- that she's not good enough. It is so disgusting and degrading and it pisses me off completely.
- Laura Leigh-
Birth of a feminist? Honestly, I had zero sense of humor. I've figured it out though; the reason I'm so easy-breezy now is because I spent my entire youth taking life so fucking seriously.
Tuesday November 28th 2000
Today I let one bad grade ruin my entire day! First I took a chem test and got a 98, which I was very happy with because I have been thinking A LOT lately about college. I really want to be able to go to the school of my choice. That's why I'm trying so hard to bring my grades up. I need to start thinking about college. But then I have AP Euro. Doing well in that class is a huge struggle for me, and today we had a quiz. I studied incredibly hard for it. I desperately wanna do well in that class, yet I found this quiz so difficult. I am so mad at myself because I know they always say not to change your answers, but I did!!
I changed 4 answers just before it was collected, and instead of the 90 I would have had, I got a 50. I was So mad at myself. I am just so worried. What if every college turns me down? What do I do if every school rejects me?! My whole future depends on this! I should stop flipping but I am SO worried!
- Laura Leigh-
Honestly, if I worked half as hard now as I did in high school, I would be CEO of the whole world. If only I knew then how easy it was to get into college and do well in college, but that in spite of all that I would now be working in a bar ... ahh hindsight.
I changed 4 answers just before it was collected, and instead of the 90 I would have had, I got a 50. I was So mad at myself. I am just so worried. What if every college turns me down? What do I do if every school rejects me?! My whole future depends on this! I should stop flipping but I am SO worried!
- Laura Leigh-
Honestly, if I worked half as hard now as I did in high school, I would be CEO of the whole world. If only I knew then how easy it was to get into college and do well in college, but that in spite of all that I would now be working in a bar ... ahh hindsight.
Friday May 10th 2002
I had such a fun day today - like one of those days that just reminds you how much fun it is to be a teenager! Katy owed me a favor so I got to borrow her convertible today, and it was sunny and 80 degrees. The AP exam for history was today, and while I opted not to take it, my friends did, but they got out by 11:30 so we left school. We just spent the day having fun. We went into Port Jeff and had smoothies, got lunch and went to the beach, went to the mall, went to Stony Brook then out to a movie. It was so much fun! I'm so tired (and sunburnt) but I had such a blast today!
Laura Leigh
Honestly, you couldn't have asked for a more wholesome group of girls. I don't think any of us care that we were dorks (okay a few of us still are) because we had the best time, all the time.
Laura Leigh
Honestly, you couldn't have asked for a more wholesome group of girls. I don't think any of us care that we were dorks (okay a few of us still are) because we had the best time, all the time.
Monday April 29th 2002
Dear Journal,
Leanne, when being told that her problems are pathetic and insignificant, always replies, "I'd rather have stupid problems like that than to have actual real ones." In moments of weakness I succumb to anger, frustration, and sadness, and I forget every ounce of thought I've worked so hard to gain. Metaphorically speaking, albeit in an elementary sense, sometimes when life feels like a gray, rainy, gusty day, we notice only that rain and that wind and those clouds, and we forget our earth is being saturated with life. The flowers blossom with raindrops and life is sustained through water. Every situation, no matter how seemingly dismal, has a stronger good, an outcome with the ability to change, or maybe just the gift of clearer understanding of beauty.
"I will be."
Laura Leigh
Nope, I was not hallucinating on LSD when I wrote that. Worse, I was a teenage girl.
Leanne, when being told that her problems are pathetic and insignificant, always replies, "I'd rather have stupid problems like that than to have actual real ones." In moments of weakness I succumb to anger, frustration, and sadness, and I forget every ounce of thought I've worked so hard to gain. Metaphorically speaking, albeit in an elementary sense, sometimes when life feels like a gray, rainy, gusty day, we notice only that rain and that wind and those clouds, and we forget our earth is being saturated with life. The flowers blossom with raindrops and life is sustained through water. Every situation, no matter how seemingly dismal, has a stronger good, an outcome with the ability to change, or maybe just the gift of clearer understanding of beauty.
"I will be."
Laura Leigh
Nope, I was not hallucinating on LSD when I wrote that. Worse, I was a teenage girl.
April 7th 2002
Shining Armor
Sorting through the questions and the fears, he (oh such a valiant young man,) covets a mere understanding.
His ideas extinguish all hope, despite no lack of effort.
Did he try hard enough?
He has figured nothing and in an oblivion of queries and trepidation he succumbs to his bewilderment.
Yet it is simple, so very simple, and his mind is not.
A whirlwind of understanding and certainty circulated once there.
The forbidden anxieties creep, slowly at first, for creeping they will soon defeat him.
Creeping, lucidity will soon escape him.
"I am lost."
He is lost.
Laura Leigh
Sometimes I wonder why my English and writing teachers were so supportive of me. I know what it is I meant when I wrote this shit, but I cannot imagine that anyone else did.
Sorting through the questions and the fears, he (oh such a valiant young man,) covets a mere understanding.
His ideas extinguish all hope, despite no lack of effort.
Did he try hard enough?
He has figured nothing and in an oblivion of queries and trepidation he succumbs to his bewilderment.
Yet it is simple, so very simple, and his mind is not.
A whirlwind of understanding and certainty circulated once there.
The forbidden anxieties creep, slowly at first, for creeping they will soon defeat him.
Creeping, lucidity will soon escape him.
"I am lost."
He is lost.
Laura Leigh
Sometimes I wonder why my English and writing teachers were so supportive of me. I know what it is I meant when I wrote this shit, but I cannot imagine that anyone else did.
Sunday April 25th 2004
So last Monday night I met Ty at the Pour House and ended up going home with him that night. I had a good time but didn't really expect him to call me back. So Thursday rolled around and Jackee and her parents were in town looking at Mass Art and they took me out to dinner over by Quincy Market which was awesome. When I got back over here I realized I had a voicemail from Ty. So whatever. I called him and he asked if I wanted to hang out Thursday night but me, Kate and Kelly were too lazy to go out- we played drinking games in Kel's room all night and had a blast. On Friday Leah and Annie came to town which was fucking awesome. We went to the liquor store and had dinner and stuff, then we pre-gamed while watching the Red Sox DESTROY the Yankees in the Bronx. It was ridiculous, but we shook off the defeat and headed out for the night.
It was Sammy's birthday, and also Joy's brother's birthday and he had a party in his apartment. So we all went there. Ty wasn't there but he said he might stop by, so I called him and he said he'd heard that the party was bad. I simply replied, "Well, I'm here." Sure enough he showed up a little while later. I spent most of the night hanging out with him, but I wouldn't go home with him. Leah was hanging out with this guy who kept telling us that we should go sailing with him on Saturday, but we really didn't think much of it until her phone rang the next morning and woke us up, and it was him, asking about sailing!
When we finally got out of bed we looked out the window and saw a gloriously sunny day- sailing was a must.
So after we ate, me, Leah, Annie, Sammy and Kelly headed over to Boston harbor. The guy works for some sailing club and they were doing some kind of promotional thing. As soon as we got there he took us on our own boat and we sailed around the harbor. It was amazing. It was absolutely spectacular, we could not have asked for a better day to be on the water. We all thanked Leah a lot for the sailing hook-up. After that we walked through the North End a bit and ate at one of the Italian restaurants, then we got gelato at the famous Mike's Pastries. We finished off the afternoon walking around Quincy Market.
Annie's boyfriend picked her up once we got back to campus, and Leah and I made a liquor store run. Later, we went with Kate and Molly to Pour House for some drinks. We were so loud and we just kept taking pictures, nothing beats a Magic Hat #9 on tap! We left by 12:30 so we could catch a T and we went to a party at some girl's apartment that most of my girlfriends' know. It was pretty crowded but we just played a lot of flip-cup, which was fun. It was also my first time doing an ice luge since that horrible night last summer. ugh!
Eventually the keg ran out so a bunch of us decided to go to Chester Street, where we were on Friday night. Everyone went ahead but Leah and I waited for Ty to pick us up. While we were waiting she was talking to some guy, so I had Ty drive all of us over to Chester. When he picked us up there were these friends of his, girls, trying to get a ride but he didn't have room. You could tell that this pissed the girl off because she asked me what year I was and I said "freshman." She gave me such attitude and said, "Oh that's cool. I'm a junior." Oh well, whatever, I hate girls sometimes. We all went to Chester and I hung out with Ty, periodically checking on Leah who was talking to a guy on the fire escape. This pissed junior girl off a lot because she was trying to get his attention - and she complained to Ty about it right in front of me! Pathetic ...
Yesterday Leah and I hung out then she got on a 4pm bus back to New York. I had a fucking great weekend.
Last night I should have been doing homework but I went to Ty's instead. I'm out of here in a week, so nothing's ever gonna come of this, but that's absolutely fine with me. We're just hanging out and having fun. One week though, Jesus. I can't believe we're all leaving. I fucking love it here and I am going to miss my girls here so much it's unbelievable, but I am sort of psyched to go home. I can't believe freshman year is almost over, it all goes by too damn fast! I can't handle it!
I don't want college to end. I've grown accustomed to drinking and partying and not getting any work done. I like life the way it is ... maybe someday I'll kick myself in the ass for being so non-productive in college . Ha! I'm a writing major who does nothing - but I'm not really that concerned. I'm too busy having a great time. Off to bed.
Laura Leigh
For the record, I got great grades in college, particularly my freshman year. Ahhh freshman girls, give us a keg cup and we were ready for anything! But I still drink and party and don't get any work done, so ...
It was Sammy's birthday, and also Joy's brother's birthday and he had a party in his apartment. So we all went there. Ty wasn't there but he said he might stop by, so I called him and he said he'd heard that the party was bad. I simply replied, "Well, I'm here." Sure enough he showed up a little while later. I spent most of the night hanging out with him, but I wouldn't go home with him. Leah was hanging out with this guy who kept telling us that we should go sailing with him on Saturday, but we really didn't think much of it until her phone rang the next morning and woke us up, and it was him, asking about sailing!
When we finally got out of bed we looked out the window and saw a gloriously sunny day- sailing was a must.
So after we ate, me, Leah, Annie, Sammy and Kelly headed over to Boston harbor. The guy works for some sailing club and they were doing some kind of promotional thing. As soon as we got there he took us on our own boat and we sailed around the harbor. It was amazing. It was absolutely spectacular, we could not have asked for a better day to be on the water. We all thanked Leah a lot for the sailing hook-up. After that we walked through the North End a bit and ate at one of the Italian restaurants, then we got gelato at the famous Mike's Pastries. We finished off the afternoon walking around Quincy Market.
Annie's boyfriend picked her up once we got back to campus, and Leah and I made a liquor store run. Later, we went with Kate and Molly to Pour House for some drinks. We were so loud and we just kept taking pictures, nothing beats a Magic Hat #9 on tap! We left by 12:30 so we could catch a T and we went to a party at some girl's apartment that most of my girlfriends' know. It was pretty crowded but we just played a lot of flip-cup, which was fun. It was also my first time doing an ice luge since that horrible night last summer. ugh!
Eventually the keg ran out so a bunch of us decided to go to Chester Street, where we were on Friday night. Everyone went ahead but Leah and I waited for Ty to pick us up. While we were waiting she was talking to some guy, so I had Ty drive all of us over to Chester. When he picked us up there were these friends of his, girls, trying to get a ride but he didn't have room. You could tell that this pissed the girl off because she asked me what year I was and I said "freshman." She gave me such attitude and said, "Oh that's cool. I'm a junior." Oh well, whatever, I hate girls sometimes. We all went to Chester and I hung out with Ty, periodically checking on Leah who was talking to a guy on the fire escape. This pissed junior girl off a lot because she was trying to get his attention - and she complained to Ty about it right in front of me! Pathetic ...
Yesterday Leah and I hung out then she got on a 4pm bus back to New York. I had a fucking great weekend.
Last night I should have been doing homework but I went to Ty's instead. I'm out of here in a week, so nothing's ever gonna come of this, but that's absolutely fine with me. We're just hanging out and having fun. One week though, Jesus. I can't believe we're all leaving. I fucking love it here and I am going to miss my girls here so much it's unbelievable, but I am sort of psyched to go home. I can't believe freshman year is almost over, it all goes by too damn fast! I can't handle it!
I don't want college to end. I've grown accustomed to drinking and partying and not getting any work done. I like life the way it is ... maybe someday I'll kick myself in the ass for being so non-productive in college . Ha! I'm a writing major who does nothing - but I'm not really that concerned. I'm too busy having a great time. Off to bed.
Laura Leigh
For the record, I got great grades in college, particularly my freshman year. Ahhh freshman girls, give us a keg cup and we were ready for anything! But I still drink and party and don't get any work done, so ...
Saturday December 19th 1998
Dear Journal,
Wednesday and Thursday were really great days! I had a really great week ... except for yesterday we wore our green uniforms and I was just having an all around bad day! I felt so inferior to everyone around me, and maybe I am, maybe things will always be like that, but I really hope not!
Actually! NO!
Things will change - who cares what people look like - if people don't like me, it's probably because I am a bitch. So I am going to start respecting everyone no matter how they treat me. That is going to be my New Year's resolution, I'm going to be happy and nice!
- Laura
Seriously, how did I have any friends?
Wednesday and Thursday were really great days! I had a really great week ... except for yesterday we wore our green uniforms and I was just having an all around bad day! I felt so inferior to everyone around me, and maybe I am, maybe things will always be like that, but I really hope not!
Actually! NO!
Things will change - who cares what people look like - if people don't like me, it's probably because I am a bitch. So I am going to start respecting everyone no matter how they treat me. That is going to be my New Year's resolution, I'm going to be happy and nice!
- Laura
Seriously, how did I have any friends?
Saturday, June 24th, 2006 3:00pm
It's rainy and chilly. I'm at the Godfrey's beach house on the Cape. If I wasn't bored, due to the rain, and missing my own friends, then this would feel like an actual vacation. George, Nicholas' father, is dealing with one unhappy baby right now. He knows that he can pass him off to me and get back to his ball game, but he's sticking with it, which is pretty cool of him. I take my meal with Laura, George and their guests, so long as Nicholas allows. We eat filet mignon and lobster and drink nice wine. There is a sign over the back door that leads to the beach, it read, "Pucci, Gucci and Sunblock." I like to try to keep this type of life very foreign to me to ensure that I never want for these luxuries. I miss my backyard right now. I miss when dad makes softshell crab then grills some shrimp and veggies and we eat on the back deck, sipping wine. I feel that I'm always dabbling in worlds that are not my own.
Our African dance class on Thursday night was sensational. We went a little stoned, to try it out. I couldn't get just about all of the steps, but once you were moving and feeling the beat of the drums and the rhythm of the movement, it just felt so wonderfully energizing. We walked home afterwards over the Mass Ave bridge and stopped at Crossroads for beers and wings. I wish I could have more nights like that. It's just so simple- no bullshit.
For now the rain will not stop.
-LL-
Our African dance class on Thursday night was sensational. We went a little stoned, to try it out. I couldn't get just about all of the steps, but once you were moving and feeling the beat of the drums and the rhythm of the movement, it just felt so wonderfully energizing. We walked home afterwards over the Mass Ave bridge and stopped at Crossroads for beers and wings. I wish I could have more nights like that. It's just so simple- no bullshit.
For now the rain will not stop.
-LL-
Since my 90's entries are so depressing, sometimes I need to remind everyone that I am not a depressed 14-year-old dork anymore! I'm a grown-up, very happy dork.
June 22nd 2006
Last night I got out of work at 5 and Kel came to meet me. We sat on the deck at the Rattlesnake and ate some food and had some cocktails. Then we walked down to Cactus Club and drank a giant $18 cocktail. It was blue, and far too sweet. From there we went to Crossroads on Beacon Street, an Irish bar. I had a black & tan. We then decided to go to Cambridge. We walked over the bridge. The sun was low in the sky, a fleet of sailboats made its way back to the boathouse in uniform fashion and the Charles River glistened. I had never walked over the Mass Ave. bridge before. We kept walking, all the way to Central Square, when we began to look for a bar. Suddenly we heard the beating of many drums and Kel joked, "I wanna go there!" We went inside and walked up the stairs and found ourselves standing in front of a sweating, pulsating room. There was so much energy. We went inside. A long row of men sat, playing bongos and other drums and dancers of all shapes and sizes, colors and ethnicities moved across the floor. We were entranced.
When we finally left we had a couple drinks at The Field, an Irish pub on Prospect, then Kate brought us over to Cantab Lounge for live music. We danced the whole night away. Incredible fun.
Right now I'm in the park with Nicholas, who is sleeping. Tonight is our first African dance class at Dance Complex in Cambridge.
-LL-
When we finally left we had a couple drinks at The Field, an Irish pub on Prospect, then Kate brought us over to Cantab Lounge for live music. We danced the whole night away. Incredible fun.
Right now I'm in the park with Nicholas, who is sleeping. Tonight is our first African dance class at Dance Complex in Cambridge.
-LL-
This was one of those magical summer nights in Boston when our little world was simply perfect.
Saturday June 13th, 1998
Dear Journal,
Today was an awesome day! This morning I woke up, and it was horrible out! It was dark, foggy and wet. At 11am Leah and her mother picked me up and we headed to Leah's grandparents house. From there, Leah, her grandma and I went to Captree- where her father is the captain of a fishing boat. Even though the weather sucked we went out anyway. After a few minutes the storm hit us- lightning, thunder, pouring rain. We started to fish in the rain. We were fishing for Fluke. I caught a fish, and it was a keeper! Then we got cold. We were absolutely soaking wet, so we hung out up top in the cabin where her father was. We tried to dry off, but it did not work. After a while we wanted to fish again, so one of the mates went underneath to find us some rain gear. The gear helped a little, but we still got soaking wet. I caught another fish too, it was also a keeper! We ate lunch and made soup, by then the entire boat was soaked, then we went to fish again. We weren't catching anything, and the fish kept stealing my bait, so we gave up. When we docked Leah's mom picked us up. We were wet, cold, and dirty. I brought my fish home- I want to eat it. When I got home I took a hot bubble bath!
- Laura Leigh
Ahhh the Jib Six!!
Today was an awesome day! This morning I woke up, and it was horrible out! It was dark, foggy and wet. At 11am Leah and her mother picked me up and we headed to Leah's grandparents house. From there, Leah, her grandma and I went to Captree- where her father is the captain of a fishing boat. Even though the weather sucked we went out anyway. After a few minutes the storm hit us- lightning, thunder, pouring rain. We started to fish in the rain. We were fishing for Fluke. I caught a fish, and it was a keeper! Then we got cold. We were absolutely soaking wet, so we hung out up top in the cabin where her father was. We tried to dry off, but it did not work. After a while we wanted to fish again, so one of the mates went underneath to find us some rain gear. The gear helped a little, but we still got soaking wet. I caught another fish too, it was also a keeper! We ate lunch and made soup, by then the entire boat was soaked, then we went to fish again. We weren't catching anything, and the fish kept stealing my bait, so we gave up. When we docked Leah's mom picked us up. We were wet, cold, and dirty. I brought my fish home- I want to eat it. When I got home I took a hot bubble bath!
- Laura Leigh
Ahhh the Jib Six!!
June 2nd 2006
I am fearful that this summer will pass by with nothing to show for it- Uneventful. Just time passing by. Why am I so unmotivated?
5pm
I just got off work. I have about 45 minute to kill. I hate killing time but everything worked against me; I wanted to get a book from the library but it closed just as I arrived, and I would have gone for a walk but it's raining. I'm not hungry. Thank God for Dunkin' Donuts, my ipod and my journal.
I was just reminded of one day in junior high, the weather was like today, but colder. Leah and I went on her dad's fishing boat. I caught a flounder, which my mom cooked for me the next day. I don't know why I just wrote about it. It's a nice memory.
I am missing a lot of people right now, places too, and I suppose I am bitter. I am stagnant, and no one else is.
I have an interview at 6pm with a woman that I want to baby-sit for. Her baby is 2 months old, sounds cute. I don't have a good feeling, or a bad one, but i would love to get the job. If not, well, then it's back to the drawing board. I've let a month go by without making sufficient money, I'm dumb. Just dumb. 30 minutes left to kill.
I'm just watching now. There's a guy walking around asking people for money. Am I a bad person if I don't feel like dealing with it? I suppose, yes, but I wouldn't really be helping him.
Uh oh. I'm starting to feel genuinely nervous. Oh well. Smile.
-LL-
That sumer, after my junior year of college, I continued waitressing at Remingtons on Boylston. I also began nannying for baby Nicholas. He was my summer fling and I still think about that child almost daily. He is almost four years old now, and will never have any memories of me.
Oh, and that fishing trip - I have a journal entry about it!
5pm
I just got off work. I have about 45 minute to kill. I hate killing time but everything worked against me; I wanted to get a book from the library but it closed just as I arrived, and I would have gone for a walk but it's raining. I'm not hungry. Thank God for Dunkin' Donuts, my ipod and my journal.
I was just reminded of one day in junior high, the weather was like today, but colder. Leah and I went on her dad's fishing boat. I caught a flounder, which my mom cooked for me the next day. I don't know why I just wrote about it. It's a nice memory.
I am missing a lot of people right now, places too, and I suppose I am bitter. I am stagnant, and no one else is.
I have an interview at 6pm with a woman that I want to baby-sit for. Her baby is 2 months old, sounds cute. I don't have a good feeling, or a bad one, but i would love to get the job. If not, well, then it's back to the drawing board. I've let a month go by without making sufficient money, I'm dumb. Just dumb. 30 minutes left to kill.
I'm just watching now. There's a guy walking around asking people for money. Am I a bad person if I don't feel like dealing with it? I suppose, yes, but I wouldn't really be helping him.
Uh oh. I'm starting to feel genuinely nervous. Oh well. Smile.
-LL-
That sumer, after my junior year of college, I continued waitressing at Remingtons on Boylston. I also began nannying for baby Nicholas. He was my summer fling and I still think about that child almost daily. He is almost four years old now, and will never have any memories of me.
Oh, and that fishing trip - I have a journal entry about it!
August 16th 2005
Every time I try to do something normal, it gets fucked up. That's how I knew the sorority would be a fascinating idea.
It's not a complaint, because my unique outcome of seemingly "normal" situations isn't always a bad thing, it's just something I've been aware of.
It's not a complaint, because my unique outcome of seemingly "normal" situations isn't always a bad thing, it's just something I've been aware of.
-LL-
So that is an excerpt from an entry I wrote the summer after my sophomore year of college, after having just spent a semester traveling Europe and living in a Castle in The Netherlands. I guess it's kind of a tease to throw that in there, because if I thought junior high and high school were interesting, I was in for some HUGE surprises in college.
So that is an excerpt from an entry I wrote the summer after my sophomore year of college, after having just spent a semester traveling Europe and living in a Castle in The Netherlands. I guess it's kind of a tease to throw that in there, because if I thought junior high and high school were interesting, I was in for some HUGE surprises in college.
Sunday July 5th 1998
Dear Journal,
I was just watching television and I flipped to a channel and caught the ending of a movie called Stand By Me. At the end, the man wrote that he has never had friends like he did when he was twelve, "but Jesus, does anyone?"
How true.
- Laura Leigh
Ahh what a great movie!
I was just watching television and I flipped to a channel and caught the ending of a movie called Stand By Me. At the end, the man wrote that he has never had friends like he did when he was twelve, "but Jesus, does anyone?"
How true.
- Laura Leigh
Ahh what a great movie!
Tuesday, February 9th, 1999
Dear Journal,
Earlier tonight I was on the computer, rummaging through old files, and I came across a list that I had made in 6th grade. It was for my mom, a list of all our friends phone numbers. I looked under every name and began deleting numbers. It was the emptiest feeling, like I was finally deleting these people, vanishing them from my life. It was such a sad feeling, like losing a battle. It is like something died inside of me tonight, perhaps the hope that they'll be back. I don't know, but I didn't like it at all. When I think back to last year, I was completely screwed up, and I am really proud of myself for getting through it.
-Laura Leigh
As it goes when you're young, friends come and they go. The transition from elementary school to junior high was incredibly tough for me, as most of my friendships shifted and many disintegrated. I understand now, and I suppose I understood then that this is all part of growing up, but since I was very young I was a fiercely loyal friend, so it was unbelievably hard for me to figure out why everything was changing. I knew I hadn't done anything wrong, yet people simply didn't want to be my friend anymore. That feeling of abandonment remained with me for a long time, and really helped shape the person that I would become.
I cannot help but to feel so sorry for my little thirteen year old self. I'm kind of pathetic in this childish little way. What a shitty age. We're still kids but we're getting out first taste of what the world is truly like. We're discovering that people are selfish, and foolish, and that very few people have any excuses for their own behavior. I was the weird girl that wanted to talk about it. "Why is our friendship faltering, how do we fix this?" Most kids don't want to analyze their feelings or their behavior, so my attempts were futile, and I thought I was "depressed." On top of that I was painfully ugly and I cannot even think about the outfits or the make up I was probably wearing at the time. Poor little Laura Leigh.
Earlier tonight I was on the computer, rummaging through old files, and I came across a list that I had made in 6th grade. It was for my mom, a list of all our friends phone numbers. I looked under every name and began deleting numbers. It was the emptiest feeling, like I was finally deleting these people, vanishing them from my life. It was such a sad feeling, like losing a battle. It is like something died inside of me tonight, perhaps the hope that they'll be back. I don't know, but I didn't like it at all. When I think back to last year, I was completely screwed up, and I am really proud of myself for getting through it.
-Laura Leigh
As it goes when you're young, friends come and they go. The transition from elementary school to junior high was incredibly tough for me, as most of my friendships shifted and many disintegrated. I understand now, and I suppose I understood then that this is all part of growing up, but since I was very young I was a fiercely loyal friend, so it was unbelievably hard for me to figure out why everything was changing. I knew I hadn't done anything wrong, yet people simply didn't want to be my friend anymore. That feeling of abandonment remained with me for a long time, and really helped shape the person that I would become.
I cannot help but to feel so sorry for my little thirteen year old self. I'm kind of pathetic in this childish little way. What a shitty age. We're still kids but we're getting out first taste of what the world is truly like. We're discovering that people are selfish, and foolish, and that very few people have any excuses for their own behavior. I was the weird girl that wanted to talk about it. "Why is our friendship faltering, how do we fix this?" Most kids don't want to analyze their feelings or their behavior, so my attempts were futile, and I thought I was "depressed." On top of that I was painfully ugly and I cannot even think about the outfits or the make up I was probably wearing at the time. Poor little Laura Leigh.
Wednesday, February 3rd, 1999
This has been an okay week so far, nothing interesting in my life. Last night I went to the school for play rehearsal, the dance scene. I felt so wrong, like no one would ever want to be partnered with me. I just felt so left out, shouldn't I have fun too? I have a fear of growing up, and missing this. As of right now my youth is not much fun. What if things don't get better ... I want to belong, to anything. To go somewhere and not just have to shut myself up. I want to be able to let loose, like everyone else? Why don't I get to? I am entitled to these emotions, I am entitled to good memories ... so why does it seem like my best memories will remain. I am thirteen and my life is already not as happy as my past, this isn't how I planned ... but nothing is.
- Laura Leigh
Dear God I was dramatic. At thirteen years old I didn't really have much of a past. Ugh, you couldn't pay me enough to ever relive those years again. How painfully awkward it is to grow up.
- Laura Leigh
Dear God I was dramatic. At thirteen years old I didn't really have much of a past. Ugh, you couldn't pay me enough to ever relive those years again. How painfully awkward it is to grow up.
Wednesday January 20th, 1999
Dear Journal,
It's been a good week, but right now I feel awfully lonely. I'm not sure why, but I feel like no one can ever relate to me, over anything. I wish I understood myself, wish I knew how to do things right. Grow out of it?
God, I'm just waiting to grow out of everything.
-Laura Leigh
It's been a good week, but right now I feel awfully lonely. I'm not sure why, but I feel like no one can ever relate to me, over anything. I wish I understood myself, wish I knew how to do things right. Grow out of it?
God, I'm just waiting to grow out of everything.
-Laura Leigh
The Beginning - June 10th 1998
Dear Journal,
I guess now is the perfect time to start writing, it is almost summer and keeping a journal makes summer easier. The inscription on this journal says "Congratulations," this is because in English class we had a poetry contest. I submitted a poem called "Angel." I won, and this was my prize.
Today was one of my better days, I wore an outift that makes me feel good, I got good grades on all papers that I got back - and the weather is beautiful!
At the beginning of this year I was depressed, for numerous reasons, but I think I'l be fine, mainly because I have caring friends, like Leah.
- Laura
So I thought I would start off with my first entry. Pretty simple stuff. Leafing through these journals I realize how unbelievable kids are. I was thirteen when I started this, and so much of what I wrote in these pages is embarrassingly childish, and other times I wonder how on earth I thought I was so mature. The first few years are really just a rehash of what I was doing at the time: who my friends were, what movies we were seeing ... it's all very basic teenage stuff. I wrote the poem "Angel" a few weeks earlier that year, while sitting on the couch out on my front porch enjoying a really nice afternoon. I'm not entirely sure what prompted me to write it, but I suppose I should share it, despite it's sing-song rhyme scheme. I was pretty young, and in my defense, I recall most of the poems in that contest to have been pretty awful.
Angel
... And I dwell in the darkness of the brightest day, watching over the life you play.
... And I bathe in the deserts where the sun pour strong, keeping by your side all life long.
... And I wake in the moonlight just to hear you pray; "God, please send me an Angel to help me through the day."
Yet if you look back on your path I've been with you all along- From the very darkest nights to each golden dawn.
I was originally just going to post the journal entries, but since many of them will be out of order I know I will absolutely have to comment on most of them. For many, I suppose I will cut names of friends and family when I feel it is necessary, otherwise everything will be as is. I will include every mortifying detail ... (well, most of them)
I guess now is the perfect time to start writing, it is almost summer and keeping a journal makes summer easier. The inscription on this journal says "Congratulations," this is because in English class we had a poetry contest. I submitted a poem called "Angel." I won, and this was my prize.
Today was one of my better days, I wore an outift that makes me feel good, I got good grades on all papers that I got back - and the weather is beautiful!
At the beginning of this year I was depressed, for numerous reasons, but I think I'l be fine, mainly because I have caring friends, like Leah.
- Laura
So I thought I would start off with my first entry. Pretty simple stuff. Leafing through these journals I realize how unbelievable kids are. I was thirteen when I started this, and so much of what I wrote in these pages is embarrassingly childish, and other times I wonder how on earth I thought I was so mature. The first few years are really just a rehash of what I was doing at the time: who my friends were, what movies we were seeing ... it's all very basic teenage stuff. I wrote the poem "Angel" a few weeks earlier that year, while sitting on the couch out on my front porch enjoying a really nice afternoon. I'm not entirely sure what prompted me to write it, but I suppose I should share it, despite it's sing-song rhyme scheme. I was pretty young, and in my defense, I recall most of the poems in that contest to have been pretty awful.
Angel
... And I dwell in the darkness of the brightest day, watching over the life you play.
... And I bathe in the deserts where the sun pour strong, keeping by your side all life long.
... And I wake in the moonlight just to hear you pray; "God, please send me an Angel to help me through the day."
Yet if you look back on your path I've been with you all along- From the very darkest nights to each golden dawn.
I was originally just going to post the journal entries, but since many of them will be out of order I know I will absolutely have to comment on most of them. For many, I suppose I will cut names of friends and family when I feel it is necessary, otherwise everything will be as is. I will include every mortifying detail ... (well, most of them)
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