Tuesday, February 9th, 1999

Dear Journal,
Earlier tonight I was on the computer, rummaging through old files, and I came across a list that I had made in 6th grade. It was for my mom, a list of all our friends phone numbers. I looked under every name and began deleting numbers. It was the emptiest feeling, like I was finally deleting these people, vanishing them from my life. It was such a sad feeling, like losing a battle. It is like something died inside of me tonight, perhaps the hope that they'll be back. I don't know, but I didn't like it at all. When I think back to last year, I was completely screwed up, and I am really proud of myself for getting through it.

-Laura Leigh

As it goes when you're young, friends come and they go. The transition from elementary school to junior high was incredibly tough for me, as most of my friendships shifted and many disintegrated. I understand now, and I suppose I understood then that this is all part of growing up, but since I was very young I was a fiercely loyal friend, so it was unbelievably hard for me to figure out why everything was changing. I knew I hadn't done anything wrong, yet people simply didn't want to be my friend anymore. That feeling of abandonment remained with me for a long time, and really helped shape the person that I would become.
I cannot help but to feel so sorry for my little thirteen year old self. I'm kind of pathetic in this childish little way. What a shitty age. We're still kids but we're getting out first taste of what the world is truly like. We're discovering that people are selfish, and foolish, and that very few people have any excuses for their own behavior. I was the weird girl that wanted to talk about it. "Why is our friendship faltering, how do we fix this?" Most kids don't want to analyze their feelings or their behavior, so my attempts were futile, and I thought I was "depressed." On top of that I was painfully ugly and I cannot even think about the outfits or the make up I was probably wearing at the time. Poor little Laura Leigh.